FEAR

At a workshop a while ago I made this card (to the left) intentionally to honor the place that Fear has taken in my life.

Who are you?
We are the ones who are hiding out behind the windows and doors of your psyche. We are the ones (and there are many of us) who are afraid, who huddle together in your mind and whisper fears to you as you sleep and while you are awake.

We are the ones who have been with you since childhood. You inherited us from your mother. We were her fears too.

We speak to you of powerlessness and joylessness. We paralyze you with our scary stories that are mostly false.

What Do You Have To Give Me?
We give you a sense of ancestral lineage… we give you a closeness to your mother that you never felt while she was alive.  We give you something to think about and focus on besides joy. We give you huge distraction from the present moment.  Sometimes, when the fear is valid, we give you time and a way to prepare, a way to meet the fearful thing or person.

What Do You Want From Me?
We want you to buy into our stories. We want you to believe that you are powerless to change what makes you afraid. We want you to always be afraid, because this way everything will stay the same. We don’t want things to change. We want you to continue to hold yourself tight in your fears and try to keep yourself safe that way.

Is There Anything Else You Want to Tell Me Today?
We are telling you that we have much power in your life and we are afraid that being aware of us will make you send us away. We are just now peeking out of our well-walled fortress and smelling the fresh air. Others have actually made their way down to the street and are on their way to freedom.  We have been with you so long, we are not sure what to do if you set us free.

FEARLESS

At the same workshop, I made this card intuitively, not thinking about what it was all about. I was drawn to these images, and they seemed to fit together perfectly. When I worked with this card later, I realized that it is my Fearless Neter!

Who Are You?
I am the one who breathes fire, who plunges forward without looking. I am the one who bravely flies through the air, knowing and trusting that I will be caught.  I am the one whose body is strong and tall and who stands and moves proudly through life.

What Do You Have To Give Me?
I give you strength and I give you courage. I give you fearless energy to move through your life. I give you joy in the moving forward.

What Do You Want From Me?
I want you to not hold back. I want you to JUST DO IT!  I want you to move forward with trust and strength. I want you to leave your fears behind. I want you to know that you can do whatever you set your mind and body to.

This whole adventure with these two cards was really eye opening for me!  It was a powerful example of how things are “at work” inside of us during this process even though we’re not aware of it!

She’s imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help

She is messy but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie

~ Sara Bareilles, She Used to Be Mine
from the Broadway musical Waitress

In the musical Waitress (based on the movie of the same name, starring Keri Russell), the theme of “pie” is woven throughout the whole show. The main character is Jenna who is gifted at creating delicious and unusual pies. She is known for combining unusual ingredients to create unique, exquisite taste sensations. Immediately after seeing the movie for the first time in 2007, I went out and bought a cookbook devoted solely to pie. It’s several hundred pages long and the only recipe I ever made was for a divine cherry pie, although I will admit that I let “Mrs. Smith” make the crust.

At first I was surprised by my fascination with pie. I grew up with a mother, grandmother, and a couple of sisters-in-law who made pies from scratch without blinking an eye. So while I’ve always enjoyed eating pie, for some reason, I didn”t inherit the “pie gene” and I will confess right now that I’ve never made a pie where the crust didn’t come from the freezer section of the local grocery store. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I never really thought very much about pie before this movie and musical made me stop and ponder.

At the beginning of the story, Jenna’s life is a mess and she feels trapped within her job in a diner and her marriage to a man who is unable to love. At one point in the musical she sings “She Used to Be Mine” (see lyrics above). The song comes on the cusp of a major change for Jenna, and she is beginning to let go of who she used to be, readying herself to embrace who she will be.

Take a moment now . . . slowly read the lyrics to yourself; speak them out loud if you won’t be disturbing anyone else.

What Jenna is describing is all of her inner parts and pieces. Some are bright flavored; some are sour. Some are sweet; some are bitter. But what’s important is that they are all a part of her and as she sings, she is embracing that fact. As she says, they’re all “mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.” I love that she is able to see it as beautiful even though some of the pieces are sharp or difficult to accept.

Because of Waitress, I have begun thinking of pie as a metaphor for my own life. It takes a unique mix of ingredients to make a pie come out tasting and looking whole and balanced, just as it takes a unique mix of qualities to make up my own whole self. So as we move into the holiday season, I encourage you to call to mind these lyrics whenever you come across pie- in your recipe box, grocery store, mixing bowl, dinner table, or even in a magazine ad. Remember that you also are a unique and wonderful mixture of “ingredients” and celebrate each and every one!

With all of this in mind, I made a SoulCollage® card to remind me. Here is what she said to me recently:

Who are you?
I am the one who bakes creative and delicious pies. 
I am the one who is a mixture of tart and sweet and bitter and flaky and smooth, just all my pieces mixed up together.
I am the one who loves to create and my palette is the ingredients and my studio is the kitchen.

What is your message for me today?
My message for you today is this… It’s time to embrace and savor and appreciate the mixed-up but flavorful mess that is you!