She’s imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help

She is messy but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie

~ Sara Bareilles, She Used to Be Mine
from the Broadway musical Waitress

In the musical Waitress (based on the movie of the same name, starring Keri Russell), the theme of “pie” is woven throughout the whole show. The main character is Jenna who is gifted at creating delicious and unusual pies. She is known for combining unusual ingredients to create unique, exquisite taste sensations. Immediately after seeing the movie for the first time in 2007, I went out and bought a cookbook devoted solely to pie. It’s several hundred pages long and the only recipe I ever made was for a divine cherry pie, although I will admit that I let “Mrs. Smith” make the crust.

At first I was surprised by my fascination with pie. I grew up with a mother, grandmother, and a couple of sisters-in-law who made pies from scratch without blinking an eye. So while I’ve always enjoyed eating pie, for some reason, I didn”t inherit the “pie gene” and I will confess right now that I’ve never made a pie where the crust didn’t come from the freezer section of the local grocery store. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I never really thought very much about pie before this movie and musical made me stop and ponder.

At the beginning of the story, Jenna’s life is a mess and she feels trapped within her job in a diner and her marriage to a man who is unable to love. At one point in the musical she sings “She Used to Be Mine” (see lyrics above). The song comes on the cusp of a major change for Jenna, and she is beginning to let go of who she used to be, readying herself to embrace who she will be.

Take a moment now . . . slowly read the lyrics to yourself; speak them out loud if you won’t be disturbing anyone else.

What Jenna is describing is all of her inner parts and pieces. Some are bright flavored; some are sour. Some are sweet; some are bitter. But what’s important is that they are all a part of her and as she sings, she is embracing that fact. As she says, they’re all “mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.” I love that she is able to see it as beautiful even though some of the pieces are sharp or difficult to accept.

Because of Waitress, I have begun thinking of pie as a metaphor for my own life. It takes a unique mix of ingredients to make a pie come out tasting and looking whole and balanced, just as it takes a unique mix of qualities to make up my own whole self. So as we move into the holiday season, I encourage you to call to mind these lyrics whenever you come across pie- in your recipe box, grocery store, mixing bowl, dinner table, or even in a magazine ad. Remember that you also are a unique and wonderful mixture of “ingredients” and celebrate each and every one!

With all of this in mind, I made a SoulCollage® card to remind me. Here is what she said to me recently:

Who are you?
I am the one who bakes creative and delicious pies. 
I am the one who is a mixture of tart and sweet and bitter and flaky and smooth, just all my pieces mixed up together.
I am the one who loves to create and my palette is the ingredients and my studio is the kitchen.

What is your message for me today?
My message for you today is this… It’s time to embrace and savor and appreciate the mixed-up but flavorful mess that is you!

Sometimes I visualize all of my “inner voices” as residing in a big castle. Each one has its own room and sometimes I visualize (in meditation or in writing) myself there, exploring the rooms and the part of me that inhabits each one. 

One day several years ago, while exploring my inner castle, I found myself in the “dungeon,” so to speak, and guess what?  There are some parts of me that I’ve locked up down there because other parts have been stronger, or because I just haven’t known how to interact with them.

Angry Annie is one of those parts.

On that day several years ago, I imagined myself taking her hand in the dungeon and inviting her to go with me “upstairs” into my world and into my life.  “Just for the day,” I promised her.  I can’t even begin to tell you what a difference it made!

And it just so happened that that very same day, my husband did something that REALLY pissed me off on a very deep level (not just surface stuff being activated, but many years of stepfamily issues rising to the surface).  As I was feeling my blood boil, I remembered Angry Annie and that she was with/beside me for the day.

It was as if I’d really been set free.  I was able to speak my anger to my husband without being consumed by it, and believe me…. this was a brand new experience for me!

I didn’t do any journaling with her right away. At that time, it was enough that I had invited her out of the dungeon and into my everyday world. It was enough that I was becoming aware of the times when anger rise, and offering compassion and curiosity to this part of me instead of shutting her away in the dungeon of my inner castle.

I believe a lot of it has to do with social conditioning around the subject of anger. It’s not nice to be angry is a message that seems to be prevalent.  Growing up, I saw my mother lash out with her anger…. and I saw my father repress his completely.  I chose his way because her way was hurtful.  But I have learned that there is a different way. 

At first I was actually afraid of Angry Annie, but now I see that she isn’t here to hurt me or anyone else in my life. She is here to shine light on injustice and to help me forge the way to my own best self.

Have you made a card for the part of you who feels the emotion of anger now and then? My card, above, shows Angry Annie out of balance. I still need to make a card for her when she is IN balance. There is something powerful about anger in balance as a way to fairness and justice and a righting of wrongs.

Share with me below! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject and how you go about keeping your inner Angry One in balance.