The Inner Surprises Blog

Six years ago this month (right now!) I was struggling with the knowledge that I had cancer again, for the second time, and that I was facing another long and winding road of treatments including a mastectomy and chemo.  I am posting this card here in honor of both of those “long and winding roads” I traveled through both of my cancer journeys.  It helps me to remember, when I look at this card, that yes those roads were dangerous and scary and cold and lonely, but I kept going through those wintery seasons and now I am standing in a lovelier, warmer place of vitality and creativity.

I especially love this Neter’s message for me (see below) about not looking back anymore on those difficult journeys, but focusing on where I am right now.

I am the one who has come here into this vibrantly alive, red, pink, and orange flower and am standing still in the midst of its lush beauty. 

I am the one whose road to this vibrant place was long and difficult and icy and dangerous and COLD.

I am the one who has come from a cold and wintry place to a place of warmth and color, a place of new, rich, abundant growth.

My message for you today is this- stop looking back on the cold, frightening, difficulties of your cancer journeys.  Be aware of the vitality within your life right now and look ahead to more growth and abundant life.




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Here are two great questions to ask a shadowed Neter (a part of you that is out of balance, or getting in your way somehow)

Instead of asking “Who are you?” I tried a few different questions with this card:

What are you curious about?

I am curious about what will happen if I am ever NOT lonely. I am curious about how it would feel to not be pretending all the time.  I am curious to know how to make this loneliness go away.  I am curious to find someone who will help me drop the mask.


What do you love about yourself?

I love being by myself.  I love having alone time.  I love not having people around me all the time.  I love that I am okay with being alone.  I love that I don’t need others all the time to make me happy!

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When I first made this card, I was completely baffled by its possible meaning.  I just loved all the light and the door… and yes, those young monks really intrigued me!  A perfect example of making a card intuitively because you love how all the images just seem to fit together for some strange reason.

It wasn’t until I worked with this Neter and let these monks tell me their story that it made sense to me.

Who are you?

We are the ones who are young and male. We are the ones who are dressed in the orange and saffron robes of monks. We are the ones who are Monks-in-Training. We are the ones who are moving through the heavy open doors.  The doors have just been opened to us and we are moving forward.  Someone on the inside opened the doors for us and now we are continuing to open them with our own hands and strength.  We are the ones who are eager to get to the inside where the light is.

What do you have to give me?

We give you eagerness, strength to push FARTHER open some doors that have already partially opened to you. We give you the ability to accept that you also are in Training for something else.

What do you want from me?

We want you to know that it is okay to not know everything about something. It is okay to be in-training for something important. We want you to apply Beginner’s Mind to whatever you are doing next.

Is there anything else you want to say to me today?

Yes. Pay attention to any Doors in your life that have opened to you.  Continue to open them with your own curiosity and eagerness.  Follow the light- only pursue the doors where the light beckons you from the other side. You will know. Trust that you will know.

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Do you ever listen to the voices inside your head?  Yep, we have a veritable Committee of inner parts of our selves; some are there to support us and some, unhappily for us, try to get in our way.  Over the years I have worked with these get-in-the-way parts individually and that’s been invaluable.  But sometimes it feels like all of these parts form a little sub-committee of their own.  I made this Naysayers card to honor that feeling I get when I seem like I’m drowning in negative thoughts.

Who are you?

We are the ones who are stony and solid, rock solid. We are the ones who are blocking your way. We are the ones who stand together and create a united front and even though the weather is nice, we bring darkness and stand among the shadows.

We are the ones who appear to be silent but we whisper in the breezes of your mind.
What wisdom do you have for me today?

Our message for you today is this: We are just parts of your mind. We are not dangerous unless you believe what we are telling you! And look… there are SPACES between us for you to move through easily to the other side. Do not ignore those spaces!

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Who are you?

I am the one who is buried beneath the ground, in the dirt. I am the one who rests and sleeps while growth occurs. I am the one whose limbs are growing, pushing up through the earth to the bright light of self-acceptance (see the lotus?). I am the one who is breaking free from the womblike darkness and pushing up to form new growth.

Once I break free, I am the one who is soaring high and I am the one who is free and light as air and full of joy and light.
What do you have to say to me today?

My message for you today is this: there is a time for both parts of this process– the being naked in the darkness below ground, AND the soaring high and free in the light and fresh air.  The gift is being aware of wherever you are in the process and being okay with that, understanding that both places complement one another on your journey.


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