Inner Surprises Blog

SoulCollage® Suits

By Anne Marie Bennett

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SoulCollage® Suits

Defensive- Committee Suit

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Believe it or not, I made this SoulCollage® card intuitively/spontaneously (3 years ago!) because I was drawn to the images, even though they were a bit scary!  What a surprise to let this SoulCollage® speak to me and tell me its story… I discovered a very strong inner voice here, one that has been with me for a LONG time, but that I’d been unaware of.

Who are you? I am the one who puts up armor so that no one hurts me. I am the one who hides my true feelings about what you are saying because I don’t want you to see/know how hurt I am.  I am the one who protects myself with quick verbal defenses. I am the one who is defensive. I am the one who fears vulnerability.  I am the one who covers my true self up with protective, defensive armor so that I cannot be wounded.

What do you have to give me? I give you protection from those who want to hurt you, and from those who intend to do you harm.

What do you want from me? I want you to put on the armor when you are around people who can hurt you. I want you to KNOW WHEN to be defensive and when being defensive DOESN’T serve you at all.

NOTES FROM DAILY READINGS:

10/18/05- Sometimes you are defensive when you don’t need to be. You don’t always have to be wary of an attack.  It is good to be prepared, but your job now is to know WHEN you need to be prepared and when it is ok to let the armor down.

6/11/06- What I am saying to you today is this: it’s all about closing and defending your heart.  I tend to act up when I’ve been hurt.  I tend to act up when my heart has been wounded- that is when I put up the walls and the armor and shields, so I won’t be hurt again. But my real purpose is to protect you from people and things who really will hurt you. It’s your job to know the difference.

9/6/06- I am the one who doesn’t want people to know how I really feel. I am the one who holds in the hurt with the veil, the mask, the armor.  I am the one who cannot be my own true self because of my fear of being hurt.  What I am saying to you today is this: I really CAN protect you when you find yourself in the the presence of people who really WILL hurt you.  It’s OKAY to take off the veil, the shield, the armor, when you are with people who love and care about you.

5/20/07- I am the one who needs armor to protect myself.  I am the one who hides behind my armor. I am the one who is afraid of getting hurt.  My message for you today is this: happy birthday,dear one.  And know that there is a time and a place for using the armor… but most of the time you do not even need it!

Seena Frost- Community Suit

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This is a card I made intentionally to honor SoulCollage’s creator, Seena B. Frost.  Many Facilitators and SoulCollagers created cards for their own decks to honor Seena’s 75th birthday in March 2007. 

She says to me:

I am the one who created SoulCollage.  I am the one who inspires imagination and inner work by opening the doors to your soul and letting the light flood in.

I have drawn this card twice in the past year during my daily readings as well, and each time she comes up, she has wisdom to share.

June 1, 2007- I am the one who encourages inner growth and creativity.  I am the one who sends the ripples of healing and transformation outward into the world as I continue my work.  My message for you today is this: be still and you will know many things.  Revel in the waters of your own colorful creativity.  Drink from the rainbowed rivers of your own reflection.  And all shall be well.

May 9, 2008- I am the one who gave you the gift of SoulCollage.  I am the one who says “grab your box of crayons and JUMP RIGHT IN!!”  Celebrate your artistic self!!! Right now!!!!

All Shall Be Well- Council Suit

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ScallshallbewellThis is a card is made a few years completely intuitively.  I was drawn to the images and arranged them in a way that felt “just right” to me. Then and only then did I let this intriguing voice speak to me.

Who are you? I am the veiled one, standing on the threshold of something ancient yet something new, for it is new to me.  I am the one standing on the threshold of a new adventure.  The universe awaits me and I seek it out in its fullest capacity to hold, embrace, sustain me.  I am the one who is ready to step into the magnificent universe.  I am the one who sees the unknown as a kind, exciting place, a place of mutual trust.    I am the one who trusts that the next step will be safe, will not harm me in any way.  I am the one who steps forward into Mystery with intention and grace, who trusts the unfolding of the journey, who isn’t afraid to venture forth into unknown territory.

What do you have to give me? I give you fearlessness. I give you freedom from worry and anxiety. I give you new adventures. I give you faith and trust that all shall be well.

What do you want from me? I want you to trust that all will be well, no matter what.  I want you to remember that in Mystery, all is not chaos and darkness, that there is also order and beauty and bright bursts of color, and new beginnings.

Notes from Daily Readings:

July 2006– I am here today to remind you that all shall be well.  Today is full of appointments and you’ve been resisting two of them for a while now.  But I tell you to step into that unknown place and know that it is all for a deeper, broader reason.  Trust.  Trust, Dear One. You can absolutely trust that Spirit is with you, even in the minute and mundane daily things.

September 2007– I am the one who faces the mystery of the Universe, both inner and outer.  I am the one who trusts that the Universe is a safe and friendly place.  I am the one who trusts Spirit and my Spirit guides to guide me/help me/assist me on my journey towards wholeness and adventure.  My message for you today is about travel, exploration, and adventure.  You are about to embark on several journeys- some near, some far.  And Dear One, I sense your fear, your anxiety.  My message for you today is to honor this ancient call within you to journey throughout the world, and to honor your inner transformative adventures as well.

Doug- Community Suit

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Scdoug_2About 20 years ago, Doug was the rector’s assistant at the Episcopal church I attended in Salem, MA.  He touched my life in SO many ways.  After a few years, his journey took him to another parish. We stayed in touch for a while, and he even sang at our wedding in 1995.  Then our journeys just took us in different directions.

And a few months ago, I learned that he had died last summer, at age 53, of inoperable brain cancer.  I was shocked at the immediate grief that flooded me when I heard the news.   I wept for his family, his students, and for the loss of him to this world.

I created this card to honor Doug, his place in my life so long ago, and his place in my life now, even though he is with us no longer in his body.  It eased the empty space in my heart, it softened the grief I felt when I heard of his suffering, of his family’s loss. 

The stained glass window is there to remind me of the love of God which he brought to me and taught us all so lovingly, and with such vulnerability and grace.  The butterfly of course stands for Resurrection and transformation.  The lotus is there because one of his gifts to me was a rooted belief in the soul’s right to growth even from muddy conditions.  Why the seal and the white lion landed there… I don’t know yet.  I found them in my stack of treasured, saved images and they seemed to be telling me that they wanted to be on Doug’s card, so I listened and heeded their advice.

Who are you? I am the one who is a Priest. I am the one who is a teacher. I am the one who rode a motorcycle and sang in a rock band and also loved people and God with a wild, spectacular love. I am the one who brought joy and laughter to the parish. I am the one who was never afraid to be myself up there in the pulpit or with the people. I am the one who suffered so much when my daughter suffered. I am the one who was never afraid to ask for prayer, for help, for time. I am the one who sang at your wedding. I am the one who always looked at people with eyes of love.  I am the one who is with you even now as you are writing this. I am the one who smiles to see this card you have made for me. I am the one who brings the light of God to you from the other side.

What do you have to give me? What I gave you then and what I give you now is the exact same thing: unconditional love. I give you light in your heart that comes straight from the heart of God. I give you reassurance that Death is not the end. I give you my presence and in that presence, comfort. I give you a light heart, laughter, love, a reminder that joy is yours right now. Reach out and grab it, hold it, embrace it… it is easy, and it is yours. I give you the knowing that life is short. I give you appreciation for the little things in life. I give you a reminder that every tiny piece of life is important, blessed, wonderful.

What do you want from me? I want you to be yourself. I want you to remember me with love and happiness. I want you to not beat yourself up because we didn’t stay in touch.  I want you to know that our paths crossed, and then went in separate directions, for a reason.  I want you to know that your writing touched my soul. I want you to know that your courage in taking on Jeff’s children inspired me. I want you to know that even though you cannot see me, I am still with you. I want you to know that you are special, beloved, wonderful. I want you to know that I am now aware of all those times you prayed for me and for my daughter when she was hurt, broken. I want you to know that your love crosses time and space and blesses me even now.

Anxiety- Committee Suit

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ScanxietyDuring a discussion with my therapist about how anxious I was feeling about something, she asked me to close my eyes and notice where that anxiety was in my body.  I did as she said but I didn’t feel anything in my body at all. I felt completely numb.  Then I realized… it was in my head. When I start to feel anxious, it’s like I go straight up into my head with it and forget I have a body at all!

So I started looking for images of people without bodies…and this card was born.

At first I was a bit perplexed about the image in the lower right corner, though… it’s a full-bodied person (not just a head) who has just climbed a ladder up through the clouds and is standing in the clouds, looking at the sunrise.  But as you can see in one of my daily readings (below), it spoke to me and told me why I’d put it on this card, even though it doesn’t seem to fit with the theme.

Who are you? I am the one who is anxious.  I am the one who goes completely into my head when I feel displaced, out of place, alone, sad, lonely, afraid, angry, disappointed.  I go out of my body completely.  I forget that I even have a body.  I am the one who eats to numb the pain of feeling displaced and alone.  I am the one who eats to drug the anxious feelings.

What do you have to give me? I give you a reminder- when you feel anxious, get back into your body. I also give you an excuse to eat when you’re not hungry, to overeat to numb out.

What do you want from me? I want you to recognize and acknowledge me when I show up.  I want you to not feed me sugar when I appear.  I want you to breathe, stretch, go for a walk, dance, get back into your body. I want you to remember that you are never really displaced if you remember that your true home is your soul.

Notes from Daily Readings:

December, 2005: What I have to say to you today is this: Remember to breathe, to stay in your body. Especially after Jeff has gone to sleep and you still have awake time.  Breathe. Stay in your body. Anxiety doesn’t serve you… let it go.

November, 2006: I am the one who gets completely caught up in “head stuff.” I am the one who thinks reality is the stories I tell myself in my mind.  I am the one who is anxious and afraid.  My message for you today is this: Relax. Breathe. Know that there is more to you than what is going on in your mind.  Climb the ladder out of your mind and revel in the freedom of being back at home in your body.