About 20 years ago, Doug was the rector’s assistant at the Episcopal church I attended in Salem, MA. He touched my life in SO many ways. After a few years, his journey took him to another parish. We stayed in touch for a while, and he even sang at our wedding in 1995. Then our journeys just took us in different directions.
And a few months ago, I learned that he had died last summer, at age 53, of inoperable brain cancer. I was shocked at the immediate grief that flooded me when I heard the news. I wept for his family, his students, and for the loss of him to this world.
I created this card to honor Doug, his place in my life so long ago, and his place in my life now, even though he is with us no longer in his body. It eased the empty space in my heart, it softened the grief I felt when I heard of his suffering, of his family’s loss.
The stained glass window is there to remind me of the love of God which he brought to me and taught us all so lovingly, and with such vulnerability and grace. The butterfly of course stands for Resurrection and transformation. The lotus is there because one of his gifts to me was a rooted belief in the soul’s right to growth even from muddy conditions. Why the seal and the white lion landed there… I don’t know yet. I found them in my stack of treasured, saved images and they seemed to be telling me that they wanted to be on Doug’s card, so I listened and heeded their advice.
Who are you? I am the one who is a Priest. I am the one who is a teacher. I am the one who rode a motorcycle and sang in a rock band and also loved people and God with a wild, spectacular love. I am the one who brought joy and laughter to the parish. I am the one who was never afraid to be myself up there in the pulpit or with the people. I am the one who suffered so much when my daughter suffered. I am the one who was never afraid to ask for prayer, for help, for time. I am the one who sang at your wedding. I am the one who always looked at people with eyes of love. I am the one who is with you even now as you are writing this. I am the one who smiles to see this card you have made for me. I am the one who brings the light of God to you from the other side.
What do you have to give me? What I gave you then and what I give you now is the exact same thing: unconditional love. I give you light in your heart that comes straight from the heart of God. I give you reassurance that Death is not the end. I give you my presence and in that presence, comfort. I give you a light heart, laughter, love, a reminder that joy is yours right now. Reach out and grab it, hold it, embrace it… it is easy, and it is yours. I give you the knowing that life is short. I give you appreciation for the little things in life. I give you a reminder that every tiny piece of life is important, blessed, wonderful.
What do you want from me? I want you to be yourself. I want you to remember me with love and happiness. I want you to not beat yourself up because we didn’t stay in touch. I want you to know that our paths crossed, and then went in separate directions, for a reason. I want you to know that your writing touched my soul. I want you to know that your courage in taking on Jeff’s children inspired me. I want you to know that even though you cannot see me, I am still with you. I want you to know that you are special, beloved, wonderful. I want you to know that I am now aware of all those times you prayed for me and for my daughter when she was hurt, broken. I want you to know that your love crosses time and space and blesses me even now.