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Inner Surprises Blog

SoulCollage® Suits

By Anne Marie Bennett

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SoulCollage® Suits

Anxiety- Committee Suit

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ScanxietyDuring a discussion with my therapist about how anxious I was feeling about something, she asked me to close my eyes and notice where that anxiety was in my body.  I did as she said but I didn’t feel anything in my body at all. I felt completely numb.  Then I realized… it was in my head. When I start to feel anxious, it’s like I go straight up into my head with it and forget I have a body at all!

So I started looking for images of people without bodies…and this card was born.

At first I was a bit perplexed about the image in the lower right corner, though… it’s a full-bodied person (not just a head) who has just climbed a ladder up through the clouds and is standing in the clouds, looking at the sunrise.  But as you can see in one of my daily readings (below), it spoke to me and told me why I’d put it on this card, even though it doesn’t seem to fit with the theme.

Who are you? I am the one who is anxious.  I am the one who goes completely into my head when I feel displaced, out of place, alone, sad, lonely, afraid, angry, disappointed.  I go out of my body completely.  I forget that I even have a body.  I am the one who eats to numb the pain of feeling displaced and alone.  I am the one who eats to drug the anxious feelings.

What do you have to give me? I give you a reminder- when you feel anxious, get back into your body. I also give you an excuse to eat when you’re not hungry, to overeat to numb out.

What do you want from me? I want you to recognize and acknowledge me when I show up.  I want you to not feed me sugar when I appear.  I want you to breathe, stretch, go for a walk, dance, get back into your body. I want you to remember that you are never really displaced if you remember that your true home is your soul.

Notes from Daily Readings:

December, 2005: What I have to say to you today is this: Remember to breathe, to stay in your body. Especially after Jeff has gone to sleep and you still have awake time.  Breathe. Stay in your body. Anxiety doesn’t serve you… let it go.

November, 2006: I am the one who gets completely caught up in “head stuff.” I am the one who thinks reality is the stories I tell myself in my mind.  I am the one who is anxious and afraid.  My message for you today is this: Relax. Breathe. Know that there is more to you than what is going on in your mind.  Climb the ladder out of your mind and revel in the freedom of being back at home in your body.

Family of Origin- Community Suit

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ScpachecosI made this card intentionally to honor the entirety of my family, the family that centers and anchors me.

I haven’t written much about it, but I do love this card and it gives me great peace whenever I look at it.

Who are you? We are the ones who are your family.  We are your family of origin, from whom you were birthed into the world.  We are the ones who love you unconditionally.  Mom and Dad, Joe and John, Mike and Pete, Allison and Stephanie.  Our message for you today is this: We love you.  We support you.  We carry you with us and you carry us with you, wherever you go. We love you.

Abundance- Committee Suit

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Scabundance_2This is a SoulCollageĀ® card I made from just one image. I think I found it in National Geographic.  I didn’t know exactly why I was so drawn to this woman, but as soon as she started speaking, I knew!

Who are you? I am the one who embraces all good things that come to me, with grace and joy.  I am the one who recognizes abundance when it lands in my arms.  I am the one whose physical countenance shines as I gather my abundance so freely given, to me.

I am the one who weaves the flowers of abundance into my hair like a queen radiating her royalty, a well-deserved crown. I am the one who gives the flowers away as freely as they are given to me, because I know and trust that there will always be more.

I am the one whose arms and heart are open, so more abundance can flow in.  I am the one who is full, who has more than enough beauty, color, order, peace, joy, and money. 

I am the one who opens my arms to abundance, who believes that I can have all good things.  I am the one who gives you deep joy whenever you pay attention to your inner voices and your outer riches.

What do you have to give me? I give you the entire world, Dear One.  You are already holding every good thing in your arms.  Notice!  See!  Be aware!  Embrace these gifts every, every day.

What do you want from me? I want you to pay attention to your inner and outer riches.  Abundance is already manifest in your life.  I want you to stop and look around and NOTICE it.

8/1/07- Daily Reading: I am the one who is here to remind you that abundance is not something that you will one day have… it is already yours, now and always.  My message for you today is to enjoy the flowers of abundance that have been given to you as your divine birthright.  Embrace it ALL.  It is yours- freely given. Keep your arms open that you might receive even MORE.

3/1/08- Daily Reading: I am the one who is not perfect but who is joyfully rooted in each and every present moment of abundance.  I am the one who expects the sun to shine on me, who expects to always have arms full of flowers, to always have my arms full of exactly what I need!  My message for you today is this–  open your arms and Divine Spirit will give you everything you need and desire… and MORE.

Dad- Community Suit

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ScdadHere is my SoulCollageĀ® card for my father. I created it intentionally the first few months of practicing SoulCollage.  He had died several years prior to this, and I felt SO close to him while I was making this card!

As with my “Mom” card, I used photos of my Dad alone, as a young boy as well as older.  And I included two photos of him with me, one when I was a baby and one when I was older.

I love this card!  And even though it hasn’t yet shown up in a Daily Reading or a question-focused reading, I still feel comforted knowing that this card is in my deck.

Who are you? I am the one who is your father.  I am the one who loves you unconditionally since the day you were born, and even NOW that I am gone.  I am the one who was born in New Bedford, who loved the ocean, who loved family dinners when we were all together. I am the one who loved taking photos.  I am the one who was a creative man- I loved to draw and tell funny stories, to rea, and after I retired I was a weaver.  I was a good musician and piano player too.  I I am the one who loved surprise gifts, and especially giving them.  I am the one who loved/loves your mother and who took my family responsibilities very seriously.  I am the one who loved being a father and grandfather and husband.

What do you have to give me? I give you unconditional love.  Remember, EVEN NOW I am still here with you in many ways.  I give you a defining sense of creativity and artistic ability.  I give you your love of creating things.  I give you your sense of humor. I give you a father’s love, and honor, and persistence and a good sense of values.  I give you love.

What do you want from me? I want you to know that you were and are loved, completely and fully and utterly, for who you are.  I want you to know that you are loved.

Mom- Community Suit

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ScmomI made this card, intentionally of course, to honor my mother soon after I began practicing SoulCollage.  She had died the previous year, so I found it very healing to make this card to honor her life and my relationship with her.  She has shown up several times in my Daily Readings as well, which has been a very interesting and healing thing for me.

Who are you?

I am the one who is your mother, who welcomed you into our family with great joy and a thankful heart. I am the one for whom my family was everything. I am the one who was abused as a child, who grew up with much fear, self-doubt and insecurity. I am the one who is creative and artistic, who loves making things and using colored pens and rubber stamping.  I am the one who knows the value of friendship. I am the one who loves autumn and nature and the ocean.  I am the one who has a deep faith and believes in the power of prayer.  I am the one who tried so hard to be a good mother but lots of times things got in the way.  I am the one who created a home for you and your brothers.  I am the one who loved your father so much. 
I am the one who is so proud of you and your brothers. I am the one who never believed I was worthy, who never believed in myself.  I am the one who never thought I was enough, and who was always worried about what other people would think about me, about you, about us.  I am the one who took life so seriously, who found it hard to laugh.

What do you have to give me? I give you the knowing that you were loved as a child, and that you are deeply loved even now.  I give you artistic ability and vision.  I give you faith and a prayer life and the knowledge of the value of friendship.

What do you want from me? I want you to believe in yourself, to know that you are special, loved, chosen, wanted.  I want you to not make the same mistakes that I did.  I want you to go to the ocean and to York Beach often and remember me there. I was happy there.  I want you to remember that I was happy being your mother.

NOTES:

11/18/05- Reading/Question about my two stepdaughters who weren’t getting along- What I have to say to you today is this: I know you are worried about the girls, especially the older one.  Remember that she needs love and kindness now.  Boundaries, yes.  But love and kindness most of all.  Remember when she was very young and you were able to give her that. You can give her that now.  And understanding too.

5/24/07- Daily Reading- I am the one who cherished you and who loved being your mother.  Are you surprised that I show up in your daily reading the week of your birthday?  I’m not!  My message for you today is this: I can see things very differently now.  I hope that you will let go of everything else and only remember the love that was/is mine for you, dear daughter.  And it is no coincidence that I showed up today, the day you also drew your “Time In A Bottle” card!  In my life, I also put joyful things at the very bottom of my many many to-do lists.  That doesn’t mean that YOU have to do the same thing.

10/22/08- Daily Reading- I am the one who gave birth to you, who loves you even beyond death.  I am the one who is your mother.  My message for you today is this: I held you back in life because I thought I was protecting you. I didn’t know any other way.  MY fears got in YOUR way and I am sorry about that.  Don’t let them get in your way now, my darling daughter.  All is well and all will be well.  I didn’t know that when I was alive but I do know it now.  I want you to be healed and whole and free.  So let it go… let it all go.

2/11/08- Daily Reading- I am the one who is your mother.  I am the one who gave birth to you, who loves kittens and chocolate, the ocean, and YOU.  I am the one who always felt connected to and IS still connected to you. My message for you today is this: I still love you.  I see and am aware of the emotional work you are doing around the fact of our wounded relationship, and it’s okay.  I didn’t know that the damage I did lasted this long.  I am sorry.  I was the best mother I knew how to be.  Love transcends death.  I am still here watching over you and sending blessings your way.

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