I created this card several months ago because I just liked the two images and how they fit together even though you wouldn’t ordinarily think they went together.  Today I did the interpretation of this card, in response to my own SoulCollage^® Challenge to spend some time interpreting a few cards that have been sitting in our decks for a while (see June 2 entry).

Who are you? I am the one who dives into the fire. I am the one who leans in and allows myself to freefall into the volcano of my feelings, my grief, my pain, my anger.  I am the one who falls into a hot seething fire which burns away all negativity and false expectations.  I am the one who freefalls through whatever happens in my life.  And beyond this fiery volcano is a cool, calm, peaceful sky, and a mountain nowhere near as difficult to climb. What do you have to give me? I give you fearlessness, to face whatever inner fires you fall into.  I give you an eagerness to know, to claim, to dive into those inner fiery realms of emotions.  I give you purification because you dared to plunge into the fiery depths of your soul. What do you want from me? I want you to go right into your inner worlds, no matter how scary and hot and dangerous they seem on the outside.

I made this card several years ago, with somewhat of an idea that it was about depression.  Soon after I made it, our dear cat Scooter died, and I went into a time of deep sadness.

In the midst of my grieving, I suddenly remembered this card that I had made.  When I pulled it out of my deck and looked at it again, I was filled with the most amazing sense of surprise and peace… because of the butterfly on that silly swing which I thought looked really cool there.

Who are you? I am the one who lies down in grief, who is tired from the sadness, who doesn’t want to ever get up again.  I am the one who looks into the future and sees nothing of interest.  I am the one whose empty arms clutch at substitutes for what I have lost.  I am the one whose grief and sadness wash over me like ocean waves.  I am the one who faces away from the sunrise, although I know it is there.  I am the one who is transformed through my grief, even though I resist it, even though I don’t want transformation, only sleep.

What do you want from me? I want you to let me have my sadness.  I want you to remember what I have lost.  I want you to not let me forget that there will always be a new sunrise, that my sorrow has a place and a meaning.

What do you have to give me? I give you permission to grieve.  I give you space and time to grieve.  I give you hope in the time of your grief.

P.S. Several months later, after embracing the fact that I grieve so deeply because I love so deeply, I added the image of the little boy with the heart.

Who are you? I am the one who looks down my nose at others if they don’t measure up to my standards and expectations.  I am the one who thinks I’m better than everyone esle because I’m more creative and well-versed and better educated.  I am the one who sees everything in black and white, who is a snob and looks down on those who don’t see things the same way I do. What do you have to give me? I give you a keen perception of other people.  I give you insight into other people. I give you strong observational skills, the keen ability to notice everything about others. I give you the ability to notice when someone isn’t good for you, when you need to step away from someone else.

Are you related to anyone else in my inner family? Yes, I am your Intuitive Self’s daughter. What do you want from me? I want you to listen when I speak and stop shushing me up. I want you to know that I really do believe what I tell you about other people.  I want you to listen to me because sometimes I have valid and valuable things to say about other people.

I drew this card today in my Daily Reading, and noticed in my Readings Notebook that she has come up about once a month in the past 5 months!  This is definitely an issue that I’ve been working on and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that she keeps appearing in my readings.

In the past, this is a little bit of what she has said to me: I am the one who reads you to sleep each night, who walks with you on the beach and who holds you when you are sad.  I am the one you tell your troubles to and I am the one who knows how to make everything all right.  I am the one who listens to your happy stories, your jokes, your disappointments, your failures.    I am the one who listens without judgment.  I am the one who picks you up when you fall, who comforts you when you are sad. 

Today, though, I noticed that her message was a little different: I am the one who is your inner mothering voice.  I am the one who instinctively knows how to care for and nurture others, and most of all how to care for and nurture YOU.  Most of your life I have been the loudest, strongest, and best at nurturing others- friends, nieces, nephews, schoolchildren, stepchildren, cats.  Now I am asking to play a larger role in taking care of, loving, and nurturing YOU. 

Allow my voice to speak to YOU now, Anne Marie.  It is time.  I am the one who gives “mother” a good name.  It is time to relearn the old scripts of the mother-daughter relationship.  It is time now to mother your self with love and compassion and the same tenderness that you have always given to others.

When I drew a card from my SoulCollage^® Deck yesterday morning, I asked “Who will help me deal with the loss of my dear cat Scooter?” This is the card that I drew, and her voice immediately offered me comfort and a subtle kind of peace: I am the one who believes in magic and fairies.  I am the one who talks to angels and animals, and hears them talking back to me.  I am the one who believes in prayer and who prayers frequently and fervently, with faith.  I am the one in direct contact with the Divine.  I am the one who believes in magic and who watches spellbound as rabbits are pulled out of hats and scarves change color in mid-air. I am the one who acknowledges the Mysteries of the universe, who accepts the Mysteries and loves them as they are. I give you a sense of mystery and awe. I give you the knowledge of other realities and the open mind to accept them. I want you to believe in fairies and angels, and to know that dolphins and cats can talk to you.  I want you to see magic everywhere you turn. I want you to pray and to know that your prayers are ALWAYS answered.  I want you to stay connected to the Divine.  What I have to say to you today is this: Scooter has been gone for a week now, but from the first moment you met him, you  asked for Angel Protection for him, because you knew he was a wild free spirit– he told you this, and you listened, you heard him.  You honored his deepest heart’s longings by letting him have his freedom, and you always knew that you couldn’t be the one to protect him, as much as you wanted to.  Now, today, in the midst of your aching grief, I want you to know and to believe that he has and has always had the Angel Protection that you continually asked for.  I want you to have faith that the Angels have honored your request.  It really is that simple.  I also want you to know that all of your inner communication with Scooter was real. He felt safe with you and he loved you fiercely.  Let there be joy and gladness in the midst of your tears and pain, for anytime a wild creature like this is loved so deeply, heaven is full of gratitude and rainbows.