SoulCollage Inspiration

I made this card several years ago, with somewhat of an idea that it was about depression.  Soon after I made it, our dear cat Scooter died, and I went into a time of deep sadness.

In the midst of my grieving, I suddenly remembered this card that I had made.  When I pulled it out of my deck and looked at it again, I was filled with the most amazing sense of surprise and peace… because of the butterfly on that silly swing which I thought looked really cool there.

Who are you? I am the one who lies down in grief, who is tired from the sadness, who doesn’t want to ever get up again.  I am the one who looks into the future and sees nothing of interest.  I am the one whose empty arms clutch at substitutes for what I have lost.  I am the one whose grief and sadness wash over me like ocean waves.  I am the one who faces away from the sunrise, although I know it is there.  I am the one who is transformed through my grief, even though I resist it, even though I don’t want transformation, only sleep.

What do you want from me? I want you to let me have my sadness.  I want you to remember what I have lost.  I want you to not let me forget that there will always be a new sunrise, that my sorrow has a place and a meaning.

What do you have to give me? I give you permission to grieve.  I give you space and time to grieve.  I give you hope in the time of your grief.

P.S. Several months later, after embracing the fact that I grieve so deeply because I love so deeply, I added the image of the little boy with the heart.

Who are you? I am the one who looks down my nose at others if they don’t measure up to my standards and expectations.  I am the one who thinks I’m better than everyone esle because I’m more creative and well-versed and better educated.  I am the one who sees everything in black and white, who is a snob and looks down on those who don’t see things the same way I do. What do you have to give me? I give you a keen perception of other people.  I give you insight into other people. I give you strong observational skills, the keen ability to notice everything about others. I give you the ability to notice when someone isn’t good for you, when you need to step away from someone else.

Are you related to anyone else in my inner family? Yes, I am your Intuitive Self’s daughter. What do you want from me? I want you to listen when I speak and stop shushing me up. I want you to know that I really do believe what I tell you about other people.  I want you to listen to me because sometimes I have valid and valuable things to say about other people.

I drew this card today in my Daily Reading, and noticed in my Readings Notebook that she has come up about once a month in the past 5 months!  This is definitely an issue that I’ve been working on and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that she keeps appearing in my readings.

In the past, this is a little bit of what she has said to me: I am the one who reads you to sleep each night, who walks with you on the beach and who holds you when you are sad.  I am the one you tell your troubles to and I am the one who knows how to make everything all right.  I am the one who listens to your happy stories, your jokes, your disappointments, your failures.    I am the one who listens without judgment.  I am the one who picks you up when you fall, who comforts you when you are sad. 

Today, though, I noticed that her message was a little different: I am the one who is your inner mothering voice.  I am the one who instinctively knows how to care for and nurture others, and most of all how to care for and nurture YOU.  Most of your life I have been the loudest, strongest, and best at nurturing others- friends, nieces, nephews, schoolchildren, stepchildren, cats.  Now I am asking to play a larger role in taking care of, loving, and nurturing YOU. 

Allow my voice to speak to YOU now, Anne Marie.  It is time.  I am the one who gives “mother” a good name.  It is time to relearn the old scripts of the mother-daughter relationship.  It is time now to mother your self with love and compassion and the same tenderness that you have always given to others.