So I’ve been struggling for a few days now with the fact that we’re having a big party here at our house this Sunday afternoon to welcome our 8th grandchild (3rd granddaughter), and my stepdaughter has taken over the planning and the inviting and the deciding who is bringing what, without even consulting me or my husband!

I know it’s her child BUT it’s our house where the party is being held.  I’ve been feeling so angry about this, and it’s been bringing up the old wounds of being left out, excluded and rejected from the years when the kids were young and difficult to live with.

Just now, I was journaling about it and had the idea to draw a couple of cards from my deck.  Just a daily reading. I didn’t even ASK a question about how to deal with this party issue… and look at Who showed up and what they said to me (unedited)(without even being asked!):

Community (Committee Card) – I am the one who is part of a group.  I am the one who loves being with others, who loves sharing and laughing and hanging out with my tribe.  I am the one who knows who my Tribe is.  I am the one who is connected to my tribe.  I am the one who plays with those who love me and accept me.  My message for you today is this- remember who your Tribe really is.  Who do you feel most comfortable with, most YOURSELF with? It is not Jeff’s family, that’s for sure. THEY are not your tribe!  You need to be hanging out more with YOUR tribe.  It’s ok to hang out with people who are not your tribe occasionally, but REMEMBER that they are not YOUR tribe. You are causing yourself undue stress by thinking Jeff’s family is YOUR tribe. You have not been left out by the members of YOUR tribe, keep that in mind.  Keep in mind also that what is happening on Sunday afternoon is a social occasion. You are trying to make it something deep and meaningful, and it is not.  It is a welcome party for your 8^th grandchild, that is all. SHE is to be the center of attention, not YOU.  They love you in their own way, even if it is not the way that you long for. Stick to your own Tribe for that kind of love.

Pacheco Family (Community)- (This card shows my parents and two brothers with me on the left, and me with my two nieces and nephews on the right, in younger days!)  We are the ones who are your original Tribe. We are the ones who nurtured you and loved you from the very beginning. Some of us did not love unconditionally or perfectly, of that you are aware, but we did and do love you fully. You are very dear to us.  Our message for you today is this- the reason you are struggling with not looking forward to Sunday’s party is that you are comparing THEIR parties with OUR parties. They are not the same and they can never be the same. Stop trying to make it so. You are struggling and it will never come to pass. We are part of YOUR TRIBE, dear Anne Marie, and we always will be.  You feel at home with us, and we feel your love and your specialness because we are connected in deeper ways that you and Jeff’s family are not connected. Yes, some stepfamilies do become Tribes but yours is not meant to be that way. It is a Tribe of sorts, yes, but not the deeper community-centered tribe that you are trying to make it. Stop trying to make that Tribe be something that it is not. 

I am blown away by this reading and I have to say I am feeling ZERO anger right now towards my stepdaughter or anyone else in my husband’s family!  The blessings and joys and healing power of SoulCollage!