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Inner Surprises Blog

Committee Cards

By Anne Marie Bennett

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Committee Cards

Sample description about Committee Card Suite

Childless- Committee Suit

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I made this card in 2005, to help myself with the huge sadness I feel from time to time over not having my own children. I do have three stepchildren and was very active in their upbringing and their lives from the time they were in elementary school, BUT… it is not the same thing!

Who are you?
I am the one who doesn’t have my own children. I am the one who sees this as a choice, and also a loss.Ā  I am the one with so much love to give and who gave all my love to my husband’s kids and now it feels like those bowls of given love are empty.Ā  So much given, and nothing received. Where was the flow?

I am the one who bows under the weight of all this sadness, loss and pain.Ā  I am the one who envies women with children.Ā  I am the one who feels an empty place inside where my own daughter would have dwelled.

I am the one who bows heavily to the choices that I made, who understands those choices were not made alone, or quickly, who knows that this choice to remain childless was mainly made out of love for my husband, who already had three when I met him.

I am the one who knows that this decision is also blessed with light, but mostly I am the one who is weighted down with the burden of grief and loss.

What do you have to give me?
I give you a life that is free to be led in solitude, a life that is filled with all the things and people you love, a life of freedom from the responsibility that comes with having your own children.

What do you want from me?
I want you to acknowledge that there is blessing and light and joy in spite of the grief.Ā  I want you to feel your grief, not deny it.Ā  I want you to know that you are not alone.Ā  I want you to know that you made the right choice.Ā  I want you to remember that there is more to mothering than giving physical birth.Ā  I want you to honor your choice to remain childless.

NOTE FROM A READING IN APRIL, 2007 (2 years later):

I am the one who sees the empty bowls as things of lightness and grace.Ā  I am the one who is filling the bowls with good things, joy and memories laced with blessing, and with love.

I am the one who embraces the emptiness that these bowls offer.

My message to you today is this: the empty bowls have gifts to offer… embrace these gifts as you live into the Divine Mystery of birth in other areas of your sweet, precious life.

Leaving the Past Behind- Committee Suit

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Who Are You?
I am the one who is walking away. I am the one who has climbed the colorful blocks and is moving out the door to a new way of being.Ā  I am the one who has put on my hat and is leaving this place for another, brighter place. I am the one who is trusting completely that I am moving to the next right place for me.

What Do You Have To Give Me?
I give you the knowing that it’s time to leave old parts of you behind. I give you bright red doors to walk through. I give you a new place to go to. I give you faith and joy and the excitement of the future.

What Do You Want From Me?
I want you to move on out those open doors. I want you to SEE those open doors, so you can easily walk through them. I want you to put on your hat and come with me. We don’t need the past anymore!Ā  It’s time to freefall into the next phase of our life!

Mysterious Connections

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Several months ago I made this SoulCollageĀ® card and it really intrigued me. When I let the women on the card speak, this is what they said to me:

We are the ones who want to sail away on these beautiful colored boats. We are the ones who are masked and robed and can’t get into the boats. We are the ones who are hiding ourselves behind these masks and robes. We are the colorful, creative ones, but we are tied to this place and time. We are waiting for you to set us free. Please come and help us reveal our true selves so that we can sail onward to our destiny. We are tired of being covered up. We want the world to see us now!Ā  Are you ready to set us free?

And then… as so often happens with SoulCollageĀ®, I was looking through my deck a few weeks ago for a certain card. And I came across THIS card, which I’d made about 3 years ago and had NEVER really gotten a grasp on what it was about, even though I’d journaled with it several times.

I gasped when I saw this card, because they looked and felt like the same women!

The first card I’ve shared here (above) had really been on my mind, and I’d set it out on my desk so it could accompany me on my daily inner journey. I even had it in my mind that I was looking for some images of women in those same bright colors of clothing so that I could make a new card of these women who had been masked, but were now set free.

So it feels to me like THIS card, made three years before the other one, is kindof like a prequel to that one.Ā  Listen to what they are saying:

We are the ones who are robed and covered. We are the ones who hold offerings in our hands. We are the ones dressed in bright rainbow colors. We are the ones who are staring across the water at the Temple, and at the brilliant Solar Eclipse.Ā  We are the ones who are not allowed across the water. We are the ones who are present and accounted for, but we are held back by the waters of fear and doubt.Ā  There are no sail boats here. We do not know that possibility of freedom yet.Ā  Amazing things are happening “over there,” but we are not allowed to go over there.

I still get goosebumps, when I think that I created that first card, above, having totally forgotten about this other card I’d made three years earlier!

In honor of these inner parts of me, held back by fear and lack of power…Ā  this week I created a new card that represents, for me, the Setting Free of these women, these inner parts of me who are no longer held back, who no longer want to be covered up and hidden.Ā  I found modern women dressed in the same jewel tone colors and glued them against the same background as the boats.

We are the ones who have come into our own fullness and beauty. We are the ones who have taken off our masks and robes and blossomed into strong, powerful, joyful women.Ā Ā  We are the ones who love life and aren’t ashamed of owning our own power.Ā  We are the ones who aren’t afraid to sail away to new inner and outer destinations.

We give you power and strength, vivid color and vibrant life. We give you joy and pleasure in the present moment. We give you creativity and passion.

We are the ones who were in hiding but are now free.

 

I Can Do This – Committee Suit

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Who Are You?

I am the one who is climbing.Ā  I am the one who is on a journey, climbing, and it is a hard, steep journey.Ā  But I can do this.Ā  I am the one who is walking steadily through the dry, hot desert. But I can do it.Ā  I am the one who is strong, who can climb without falling. I am the one who is focused, who knows the journey is hard and steep and yet I can bring some fun to it.Ā  It can be hard and easy at the same time.Ā  If I stay in my body, I Can Do This.Ā  I can stay focused and balanced and keep up the steep climb.Ā  I can even have fun doing this. I can do it.

What Do You Have To Give Me?

My gift to you is of positive thought and determination.Ā  My gift to you is perseverance, strength, attention, focus.Ā  My gift to you is the awareness that it can be fun and difficult at the same time.

What Do You Want From Me?

I want you to say “I can do this” over and over and over until you believe it too. I want you to know that I am a very real and viable part of your being.

Groundhog Day Reading- Surprise!

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This is one of the cards I drew in my daily reading this morning.  And I’ll admit, I didn’t even realize it was Groundhog Day when I first began this writing.  But halfway through, when I started writing about the shadows, it came to me, “Oh my gosh, it’s Groundhog Day!
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And this card is all about SHADOWS!   Which is what I most especially love about SoulCollage!

I am the one who stands at the open curtain with my lips pursed.  I am the one who is beginning to come out of hiding.  I am the one who is bathed in shadow and light.

I am the one who raises my face to the heavens, to the light and who embraces my light and dark parts.

I am the one who has been behind the curtain and who now is looking out to see where the shadows are coming from.

My message for you today is thisā€¦ hold my hand, stand by my side as I look out this window.  Seeing my own shadows is scary, you know. I donā€™t like looking at the shadowy figures in my mind.

And itā€™s not a coincidence that today is Groundhogā€™s Day.  He is looking to see his shadow.  6 more weeks of winter if he does!  And when he does, everyone groans and whines about more winter.  But for me, I am happy to see my shadow because it means there is more light!  I am happy to see my shadow because it means I am seeing more and more of my whole, real, authentic, beautiful self.