This card and I have been through a LOT together, and I mean A LOT! I made it quite a while ago, at the beginning of my weight loss journey. At first, I called her “She Who Devours,” or “She Who Operates From Scarcity” because my writing from this card was all about not getting/having enough. It still is about that for me, but I’ve condensed her name to “Wanting More.”
Every time she has come up in a daily reading over the years, she has taught me something else that is valuable and precious about myself. Now this card is not just about food for me, it’s about wanting on a much bigger scale.
Who are you? I am the one who shoves food in automatically, without paying attention. I am the one with big jaw, big mouth, who opens wide, who cannot ever get enough. There is not enough food in the world to satisfy me because it’s not my stomach that’s empty, it’s my heart and soul and life. I am the one who hoards food so I won’t ever run out. I am afraid of not having enough. I am the one who sneaks food when no one else is looking, when YOU are not looking. I am the one who eats for distraction- everything on the outside because I cannot/don’t want to look at what is happening on the inside. I am the one who acts from a place of emptiness and scarcity. I am the one who never gets enough, who never has enough, who never IS enough.
What do you want from me? More.
More what? Do you want more food? Things? No. I only give myself those things because I want more of those other things.
What other things? Words. Color. Walks in the woods. Playing with children. Picking up shells on the beach. Color. Spirit. Truth. Books. Love.
And what do you have to give me? I am the dark side of abundance. I give you the belief that you can have more of what you truly want. More is what you deserve. More words, more color, more time doing what you love, more joy.
Other information gleaned from this card during other readings
1.I am the one who never has enough, who hoards food and things for “someday” when I might need them. I am the one who worries that I can’t/might not have this much tomorrow. I am the one who is needy. I am the one who doesn’t like to share. I am the one opening my mouth regardless of hunger.
2. What I am saying to you today is this- look at how you ate yesterday. Not what you ate, but how you ate. I was very much in control yesterday. Please look at what you could give me today INSTEAD of food.
3. I am the one who is the exact opposite of the Voice of Wealth card you drew yesterday. See the connection. The Voice of Wealth sits relaxed and basking in her enjoyment of having Enough and even More Than Enough. I am the opposite of that energy state. And what else do you need more and more of- love? Attention? Success? Praise? This card you have made for me shows me desperate for and devouring….food. But look at the other areas of your life where you are out of control, and you will see ME very active. And when I am in control, the Voice Of Wealth cannot be heard, cannot come out to play.
4.I am the one who keeps shoving the food in and in and in. I am the one with the big bottomless hole on the inside. I am the one who wants and needs MORE. I am the one who fills the empty spaces inside of me with food and other things that I don’t really need. I am the one who would like other things to fill me up inside. My message for you today is this: Be quiet inside. Separate yourself from me. I am not your worst enemy. I am your closest friend. Don’t let me overeat and overspend. Be quiet inside and you will see/hear/feel what it is that I need to fill up the emptiness.
Further Reflection: I also journaled with this card a bit after that last reading. She told me that she came into real power in my life in my late 20’s/early 30’s when I was involved in a codependent love relationship with an alcoholic. There was a really big emptiness inside of me, then, she told me, and food was what she used to fill that empty space, to give herself comfort and sweetness. Then after I left him, she took the back seat for a while, until I became a stepmother in my late 30’s… which was much more difficult than I had imagined. The empty spaces loomed really large then, and this part of me was afraid of the empty spaces, didn’t know what they were. Again, food was her easiest way to fill the void, and to keep the fear at bay.
Now I am just beginning to really love and care about this part of me. Before working with this card, I used to be angry at her and thought that if she would just GO AWAY, I would be able to lose my extra weight and finally feel good about my body again. Now I realize that I can help her by recognizing the empty spaces when they appear in my life, by helping her name those empty spaces (loneliness, grief, disappointment…) and by finding out what she really is wanting more of to fill the holes (big or small) in my life.
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This card honors my oldest brother, Joe. He is ten years older than me, so we weren’t close until I was an adult. But when I was in my early teens, he always took the time to do things with me. The biggest thing he ever did for me was introduce me to the theatre. When I was 12 he and his wife Karen took me to see a production of Man of La Mancha at the University of Connecticut, and I fell in love immediately with everything about theatre.
