Inner Surprises Blog

SoulCollage Inspiration

By Anne Marie Bennett

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A Conversation with My Overwhelmed Self

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Overwhelmed

I am the one who feels overwhelmed, squashed flat, buried. I am the one who sees no way out. I am the one who despairs becasue no one notices that I am being squashed flat, buried. I am the one who feels so alone even though I see that others are also buried. I am the one who feels helpless.

Me: What is overwhelming you?

O: Your never-ending to-do lists. All the things you want us to “do” this year. All of your efforts at self-improvement.

Me: What is overwhelming you MOST of all?

O: (sighs) These other Neters (parts) who say mean things to us, who don’t want us to feel whole and happy… all the Neters who are keeping us from letting go of what needs to be let go of. Especially Killjoy.

Me: Thank you for letting me know. How can I help you?

O: You can help me by SLOWING DOWN on the to-do lists. You can help me by slowing down the pace of your days, weeks, years, life. You can help me by calming down Killjoy. Talk with him, will you please? Give him some attention. Find out why he is influencing you so much these days.

Killjoy

Me:  Okay, I will! Killjoy, please join me.

KJ: Yeah? What you want, lady? (pokes finger in my chest)

Me: Hey! (removes finger) It’s me, the one whose mind you inhabit. Let’s sit down. So I hear you’re having a big effect on some of my other Neters (inner parts).

KJ: (gruffly) So what?

Me: So… I need to know what’s going on with you.  Your energy is out of balance and it’s making all of us uncomfortable.

KJ: (folds arms across chest) I don’t care.

Me: I’m sorry to hear that. I’m remembering, however, that you used to care. I’m remembering that you have been an integral, good force in my life and that when you are in balance you are an excellent Security Guard, protecting me from unnecessary influences. Do you remembering having that responsibility in my inner world?

KJ: (not meeting my eyes) Yes.

Me: Good, good! Can you tell me why you left that security guard post? And why you’re back to harrassing me? I really want to help you.

KJ: Why aren’t you pissed off at me and trying to kill me?

Me: Because you’re an important part of my life. And I love and respect and care about you. I want to know what’s thrown you off balance so I can help you get back to your best self.

KJ: I don’t know… I guess it’s easy to go to the dark side when you’re not paying attention to me.

Me: I’m sorry. You’re right. The second half of last year I was so distract because of Suzy’s (our dog’s) decline and death, and all of my work obligations, and everything else.

KJ: Yeah, well, I’m sorry about that and all. I’m really KJ- KEEPER OF THE JOY. KJ-KILLJOY is my worst self. When I feel unloved and unwanted, I start killing the Joy instead of keeping it.

Me: Oh! Right! I see. I see. And I hear you. Thank you for telling me all of this.

*****

Afterthought: I am seeking images for a Keeper of the Joy card and will post it here when I have completed that. In the meantime, I can continue to dialogue with KJ when he’s out of balance in order to bring him back to Keeping the Joy instead of Killing It.

PS As a result of this inner dialogue, my Overwhelmed Self became much less overwhelmed!

 

Fire Diver- Committee Suit

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Scfiredive I created this card because I just liked the two images and how they fit together even though you wouldn’t ordinarily think they would go together.

A card like this can remain a mystery until we sit down with it and begin a relationship with it by asking it some questions so that it can open up and tell us its story.

Who are you?
 I am the one who dives into the fire. I am the one who leans in and allows myself to freefall into the volcano of my feelings, my grief, my pain, my anger.  I am the one who falls into a hot seething fire which burns away all negativity and false expectations.  I am the one who freefalls through whatever happens in my life.  And beyond this fiery volcano is a cool, calm, peaceful sky, and a mountain nowhere near as difficult to climb.

What do you have to give me?
I give you fearlessness, to face whatever inner fires you fall into.  I give you an eagerness to know, to claim, to dive into those inner fiery realms of emotions.  I give you purification because you dared to plunge into the fiery depths of your soul.

What do you want from me?
I want you to go right into your inner worlds, no matter how scary and hot and dangerous they seem on the outside.

Perfectionist- Committee Suit

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Inner Perfectionist

I’ve been doing a lot of inner work with my Inner Critic lately, and part of that work included reading the book Embracing Your Inner Critic, by Hal and Sidra Stone.  Their teaching includes the fact that the Inner Critic is entwined in our psyches with two other inner parts: the Rule Maker and the Perfectionist.  I had a major aha! moment when I read about these three parts, and immediately began working on cards for these new parts I’d discovered.  So here is my SoulCollage® card for my Inner Perfectionist.

Who are you?
I am the one who has to do everything perfectly right, all the time.  I am the one who lies awake at night worrying and wondering how I can be sure to do everything perfectly the next day.  I am the one who spins my mind around and around until I’m dizzy with the desire to get everything just right.  I am the one who is centered in and focused on the gold star.  I am the one who loves to get the gold star each time.

What do you have to give me?
I give you the impetus to do your best work.  I give you the desire to do well.  I give you a good critical eye.

What do you want from me?
I want you to always do your best.  I want you to know that my energy gets out of control and keeps you up at night because you allow that to happen, and it doesn’t have to be that way.  I want you to remember that making a mistake is not the end of the world, and that you can learn from your mistakes too.

Jumping For Joy- Committee Suit

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A totally synchronistic thing happened right after I made this card.

I went to the Y and spent my time on the treadmill that overlooked the huge gymnastics room.  I noticed there were lots of toddlers and preschool children in there with their moms, but didn’t pay much attention. I read for a while as I sweated on the treadmill, and then one time when I looked up to turn a page, I noticed a little girl in a pink tutu, light skinned and fair haired.  She was bouncing up and down joyfully, gleefully, on the dark blue gym mats.

Then she was running, running, as fast as her little legs would carry her, all the way down the mat, and leaping into a wide bed of foam blocks.  Over and over she did this, that little girl in the pink tutu!

I went back to my book, and the next time I looked up, there were TWO little girls in pink, jumping for joy in the freedom they’d found in running, leaping, flying, jumping.  When I got my stuff together to leave, there were THREE fair-haired little girls in pink jumping for joy in that gymnastics room, and I smiled to myself all the way home.

Coincidence? I think perhaps not!

Who are you?
I am the one who leaps for joy.  I am the one who is jumping for joy.  I am the one who loves frilly girly dresses and the color pink and pretty flowers and going to my dance classes. I am the one who loves getting up in the morning, and going to school, and just EVERYTHING.  I am the one who takes pleasure in moving my body.  I am the one who is pleased with my own wondrous, special, unique self.

What do you have to give me?
I give you joy- joy in who you are, joy in life’s everyday gifts, joy in what you’ve been given, joy in your own unique self.

What do you want from me?
I want you to express your joy a little more each day.  I want you to remember my energy, and consciously tune into it every morning.  I want you to stand up a few times during the day and jump for joy.

Chameleon

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Chameleon- I am the one who tries to blend in with my surroundings, so I don’t stand out.

I’ve been meaning to make this chameleon card for a long time now, because I’ve been aware of this part of me for quite a while now.  I was so happy when I finally found the right images for it, so here it is!

Who are you? I am the one who tries hard to blend in with everything around me, no matter what that looks like.  I am the one who thinks everyone will be happier (including me) if I make myself look like everyone and everything else.  I am the one who also makes my insides (feelings, thoughts) imitate everyone else’s. I don’t want to stand out, to be noticed, to be judged for being different.  I want to fit in.  I want to be like everyone else.

What do you have to give me? I give you protection. That is my ultimate gift to you.  When you hide your uniqueness, no one can hurt you or judge you or make you feel bad for being who you are.  I am in the business of keeping you safe, inside and out.

What do you want from me? I want you to stop trying to be unique. I want you to be like everyone else.  I want you to be safe from those who judge people who are different.

Is there anything else you want to tell me today? Yes!  I know you are worried about the upcoming vacation with Jeff’s family. If you listen to me, I will keep you small and safe. Just do what they’re doing and act like they’re acting, and you will be all right. NOTE: Now that I hear how loud and strong this voice is, I can begin to dialogue with it some more.  I can choose to listen to it or not, as I face certain situations where I might be tempted to “fit in” instead of being true to myself.