I am the one who feels overwhelmed, squashed flat, buried. I am the one who sees no way out. I am the one who despairs becasue no one notices that I am being squashed flat, buried. I am the one who feels so alone even though I see that others are also buried. I am the one who feels helpless.

Me: What is overwhelming you?

O: Your never-ending to-do lists. All the things you want us to “do” this year. All of your efforts at self-improvement.

Me: What is overwhelming you MOST of all?

O: (sighs) These other Neters (parts) who say mean things to us, who don’t want us to feel whole and happy… all the Neters who are keeping us from letting go of what needs to be let go of. Especially Killjoy.

Me: Thank you for letting me know. How can I help you?

O: You can help me by SLOWING DOWN on the to-do lists. You can help me by slowing down the pace of your days, weeks, years, life. You can help me by calming down Killjoy. Talk with him, will you please? Give him some attention. Find out why he is influencing you so much these days.

Me:  Okay, I will! Killjoy, please join me.

KJ: Yeah? What you want, lady? (pokes finger in my chest)

Me: Hey! (removes finger) It’s me, the one whose mind you inhabit. Let’s sit down. So I hear you’re having a big effect on some of my other Neters (inner parts).

KJ: (gruffly) So what?

Me: So… I need to know what’s going on with you.  Your energy is out of balance and it’s making all of us uncomfortable.

KJ: (folds arms across chest) I don’t care.

Me: I’m sorry to hear that. I’m remembering, however, that you used to care. I’m remembering that you have been an integral, good force in my life and that when you are in balance you are an excellent Security Guard, protecting me from unnecessary influences. Do you remembering having that responsibility in my inner world?

KJ: (not meeting my eyes) Yes.

Me: Good, good! Can you tell me why you left that security guard post? And why you’re back to harrassing me? I really want to help you.

KJ: Why aren’t you pissed off at me and trying to kill me?

Me: Because you’re an important part of my life. And I love and respect and care about you. I want to know what’s thrown you off balance so I can help you get back to your best self.

KJ: I don’t know… I guess it’s easy to go to the dark side when you’re not paying attention to me.

Me: I’m sorry. You’re right. The second half of last year I was so distract because of Suzy’s (our dog’s) decline and death, and all of my work obligations, and everything else.

KJ: Yeah, well, I’m sorry about that and all. I’m really KJ- KEEPER OF THE JOY. KJ-KILLJOY is my worst self. When I feel unloved and unwanted, I start killing the Joy instead of keeping it.

Me: Oh! Right! I see. I see. And I hear you. Thank you for telling me all of this.

*****

Afterthought: I am seeking images for a Keeper of the Joy card and will post it here when I have completed that. In the meantime, I can continue to dialogue with KJ when he’s out of balance in order to bring him back to Keeping the Joy instead of Killing It.

PS As a result of this inner dialogue, my Overwhelmed Self became much less overwhelmed!