When I made this card intuitively, I had no idea which part of me this was.  After I did the interpretation (below), I see it now as a most precious part of me, the one who loves and craves and thrives on solitude.  This part has always been with me, from the time I was very young. I’ve always loved being alone… but I’ve never really “owned” this part of me or taken care of her so fully until now.

Who are you? I am the one who curls into myself by the beautiful ocean.  I am the one who is content in my soul, who needs no support when I look within.  I am the one who blossoms into marvelous sweet beauty when I am alone, who treasures solitude, who needs nothing external, only my inner self, to thrive and grow.

What do you have to give me? I give you the joy and deep inner peace that comes from alone-time.  I give you time to be alone, with your self, your inner voices, your thoughts, your dreams.  I give you the rest that you need, and can only get, from time in solitude. What do you want from me? I want you to remember that you are one who needs and thrives on time spent alone.  I want you to keep time set apart on your schedule for this so that you can do the work you are meant to do in this world.  I want you to remember that your creative work is made so much more powerful when you consciously seek to balance your daily life with spans of solitude. NOTES FROM DAILY READINGS: March, 2006– What I’m saying to you today is this: This is a hard week for you because your usual days of solitude are continually interrupted with appointments and places to go.  Remember to keep the balance, and that for you, balance is maintained by a higher ratio of solitude. November, 2006– I am the one who finds my deepest, truest self alone, and in nature.  I am the one with rivers and veins of life running thru my body and soul.  My message for you today is this: you can add more solitude into your daily life if you spend your evenings alone with a good book or at your art table instead of with food.  Ask yourself why you’ve been pushing me away during the evening lately, and why you’ve been replacing me with food.  I can be your truest, best and most helpful ally while you are bringing your body to its natural weight.  Remember, I am a healthy and valid part of you.  It doesn’t matter that others don’t need as much solitude as you do…. what matters is that YOU do!

  I created this card four months ago, totally intuitively, just liking the way the images seemed to fit together.  I was intrigued by the woman holding up the shade so resolutely, and in awe of the beauty of the background scene of the sand,flowers and lightning.

As I was making the card, I accidentally ripped the woman from shoulder to hip/buttocks.  At first I was going to get rid of the image, but then I thought, “Hmm..  this is probably important to the meaning of the card somehow.”  So I glued her back together while placing her on the card. If you look closely, you can see the tear mark on her body.

In doing the interpretation below, the meaning of that rip did surface, almost immediately. 

Who are you? I am the one who walks in the desert at night because that is when the flowers bloom.  I am the one who sees the lightning in the distance and seeks to shield myself from it for I know how it can rip me apart (see my wounds). I am the one who holds this flimsy fabric shade up to block/hide the lightning from my view.  I am the one who is trying to protect myself from the dangerous lightning.  I am the one who cannot see the beauty of the lightning (or the desert at this hour) because I am trying to hide from it.  I don’t want it to hurt me anymore.  The lightning is fierce and terrible and deadly and it has burned me before.  I know that it is also beautiful and wild and exciting, but I am willing to not see that in order to protect myself from its danger.

If you look at my JUNE 7, 2006 entry for this card (click on Committee Cards on the right) you will see the exact same card without the little boy on it.  When I first made the card, I was focusing solely on the part of me who grieves easily, the part of me who cries so easily and feels so deeply. 

I’ve done more inner work with this card since then, though.  In dialog with her, I named her Maggie because I was watching the dvd of the final season of Six Feet Under at the time and there was a very sad woman in those episodes named Maggie. In the course of “talking” with Maggie, I discovered a VERY big thing about myself…. the reason why I cry so easily and grieve so deeply is because I have such a big tender heart that is so full of love to give.  The more deeply I love, the more deeply I feel the loss of that love when it (or the one I loved) is gone. That was a major “aha” moment in my life for me. 

So I went in search of an image of a heart to add to this card. Eventually I found this little boy who is eagerly waiting to surprise someone with his gift of love.  Now when I draw this card in a daily reading, I am reminded that the part of me who grieves easily wouldn’t do so if she didn’t love so much. 

In adding the new image to my card, I’ve added a new dimension of light to this once shadowy card.

Before, when I felt the urge to cry, to grieve, I would usually be swayed by the voice of my Inner Critic (Ethel), who would be saying things like, “You’ve cried enough about this already, get over it.”  Now when I sense tears coming, grief moving in me like the tide coming in, I am immediately aware of this part of me, and find myself saying to Ethel, “No. This is Maggie, Maggie who loves so deeply.  Maggie is not done crying yet.  She needs to cry, to feel this sadness.  Let her be.” And my inner mother gets to do some loving, nurturing, caretaking then.  I find that the tears, once accepted and blessed by my inner family, are much more healing and cleansing than they ever were before.