This card came together magically but I was clueless as to its meaning. As I journaled with it, it spoke to me about real things going on in my life right now.

Also, halfway through journaling, I noticed that the woman looks an awful lot like Attorney Erin on the TV show Blue Bloods!  And then the whole exercise morphed into a conversation with Erin which was very affirming for me.

I share this Neter and this journaling with you as encouragement for you to follow the journaling wherever it leads.  Usually we ask “Who are you” and then “What do you have to give me” and then “What do you want from me”… but in this case, I just stayed with the image and with what was happening inside me as I worked with it.  And I got exactly what I needed!

Who are you?

I am the one who is surrounded by blue water, blue dock, blue hills.  I am the one who is standing tall, poised, calm, and serene. I am the one whose face is tilted up towards the Divine. I am the one who is breathing in the Divine.

I am the one who is standing near the very edge of this dock. If I take one step forward, I will be in the water, in the unknown. But I am not ready to take that next step. I am perfectly content to stand here, soaking in the light from Beyond. I am wide open to possibility, direction, guidance.

I am perfectly content right where I am. I will be just as perfectly content turning around and moving away from the edge as I would be to step off the edge or just stay where I am.

Me: You look an awful lot like Erin Regan from Blue Bloods.

And would it be so bad if I am Erin?

Me: Not at all. I just haven’t paid much attention to her on the show. I haven’t really identified with any of the characters except for Jaimie who is always so kind and good.

Yes, my little brother!  I love him too.

Me: Tell me more about yourself, Erin.

I am the one who is smart and fiercely honest. I am the one who has integrity and who sees life as very black and white. It is hard for me to live in the gray areas.  I am the one who is having a highly successful career AND am raising a happy healthy loving teenager daughter. I am the one who is a loving, devoted, loyal daughter, granddaughter, mother and sister. I am the one who is defined by my career AND by my family ties.

I am the one who is serious and intense. I take everything seriously. It is hard for me to have fun, to lighten up and let loose.

ME: Thank you! I can relate to most of your qualities. I also am very serious and intense. I am smart and focused on my career. It is also difficult for me to loosen up and let go and have fun.

Yes, and we are both beautiful!

ME: Ha!

I’m serious about that.

ME: Thank you. Seriously1  So Erin, what are you poised on the edge of?

I am pausing to take a whole lot of breaths before I take my next step.  The question for you is “What’s next?”

ME: Ah. I see.

And that is my GIFT to you- the ability, the desire to pause before stepping into the unknown. Perhaps the “unknown” for you is what happens after your 60th birthday in May.

ME: Yes! You feel like a symbol of exactly that.  Thank you so much for spending time with me today.

My pleasure!

Have I ever shared with y’all how deeply grateful I am to be a part of this SoulCollage community?  If not, I am sharing it now!  Here is a card I made in 2011 when I faced cancer for the second time.  It expressed for me then how held and supported and loved I felt by this particular community around the world.

Who are you?

I still draw it from time to time in my every-other-daily readings.  Here is what this Neter said to me recently:

I am the one who is part of a community. I am the one who is held and loved by an unseen Community of Bright Ones and Angels, as well as an earthly community of spiritual seekers around the world. 

I am the one who is a valuable piece of this community.

Here’s another card I made that made no clear sense to me until I journaled with it.

In this case, I found it helpful for each energy to speak to me separately, so here is what each said to me.

LEFT IMAGE:

I am the one who is being anointed. I am the one who is receiving the anointing. I am the one who is behind the net. I am the one whose eyes are closed.

RIGHT IMAGE:

I am the one who is under the orange parasol. I am the one who is intently looking at this flower in my hand. I am the one who holds the flower carefully because I know it is fragile. I am the one who is that young girl on the left, but now I am all grown up. I am the one who was anointed a long time ago. I am the one who now does the anointing with my hand.  I am the one who uses my hands carefully, tenderly, reverently. I am the one who believes in the power of hand mudras.

I give you the wisdom of the hand mudras. I give you anointing for your head, and your body, and your spirit when you are weary. I give you blessing.

I want you to remember always that YOU are anointed and blessed, in many ways. I want you to know that your hands are powerful instruments of peace and blessing. I want you to allow yourself to continually be anointed.  Be still and receive what you are continually being given.

I made this card several years ago, with somewhat of an idea that it was about depression.  Soon after I made it, our dear cat Scooter died, and I went into a time of deep sadness.

In the midst of my grieving, I suddenly remembered this card that I had made.  When I pulled it out of my deck and looked at it again, I was filled with the most amazing sense of surprise and peace… because of the butterfly on that silly swing which I thought looked really cool there.

Who are you? I am the one who lies down in grief, who is tired from the sadness, who doesn’t want to ever get up again.  I am the one who looks into the future and sees nothing of interest.  I am the one whose empty arms clutch at substitutes for what I have lost.  I am the one whose grief and sadness wash over me like ocean waves.  I am the one who faces away from the sunrise, although I know it is there.  I am the one who is transformed through my grief, even though I resist it, even though I don’t want transformation, only sleep.

What do you want from me? I want you to let me have my sadness.  I want you to remember what I have lost.  I want you to not let me forget that there will always be a new sunrise, that my sorrow has a place and a meaning.

What do you have to give me? I give you permission to grieve.  I give you space and time to grieve.  I give you hope in the time of your grief.

 

P.S. Several months later, after embracing the fact that I grieve so deeply because I love so deeply, I added the image of the little boy with the heart.