This card and I have been through a LOT together, and I mean A LOT!  I made it quite a while ago, at the beginning of my weight loss journey.  At first, I called her “She Who Devours,” or “She Who Operates From Scarcity” because my writing from this card was all about not getting/having enough. It still is about that for me, but I’ve condensed her name to “Wanting More.”

Every time she has come up in a daily reading over the years, she has taught me something else that is valuable and precious about myself.  Now this card is not just about food for me, it’s about wanting on a much bigger scale.

Who are you? I am the one who shoves food in automatically, without paying attention.  I am the one with big jaw, big mouth, who opens wide, who cannot ever get enough. There is not enough food in the world to satisfy me because it’s not my stomach that’s empty, it’s my heart and soul and life.  I am the one who hoards food so I won’t ever run out.  I am afraid of not having enough.  I am the one who sneaks food when no one else is looking, when YOU are not looking.  I am the one who eats for distraction- everything on the outside because I cannot/don’t want to look at what is happening on the inside.  I am the one who acts from a place of emptiness and scarcity.  I am the one who never gets enough, who never has enough, who never IS enough.

What do you want from me? More.

More what? Do you want more food? Things? No.  I only give myself those things because I want more of those other things.

What other things? Words. Color.  Walks in the woods.  Playing with children.  Picking up shells on the beach.  Color. Spirit.  Truth.  Books.  Love.

And what do you have to give me? I am the dark side of abundance.  I give you the belief that you can have more of what you truly want.  More is what you deserve. More words, more color, more time doing what you love, more joy.

Other information gleaned from this card during other readings

1.I am the one who never has enough, who hoards food and things for “someday” when I might need them.  I am the one who worries that I can’t/might not have this much tomorrow.  I am the one who is needy.  I am the one who doesn’t like to share.  I am the one opening my mouth regardless of hunger.

2.  What I am saying to you today is this- look at how you ate yesterday.  Not what you ate, but how you ate.  I was very much in control yesterday.  Please look at what you could give me today INSTEAD of food.

3. I am the one who is the exact opposite of the Voice of Wealth card you drew yesterday.  See the connection.  The Voice of Wealth sits relaxed and basking in her enjoyment of having Enough and even More Than Enough.  I am the opposite of that energy state.  And what else do you need more and more of- love? Attention?  Success?  Praise?  This card you have made for me shows me desperate for and devouring….food.  But look at the other areas of your life where you are out of control, and you will see ME very active.  And when I am in control, the Voice Of Wealth cannot be heard, cannot come out to play.

4.I am the one who keeps shoving the food in and in and in.  I am the one with the big bottomless hole on the inside.  I am the one who wants and needs MORE.  I am the one who fills the empty spaces inside of me with food and other things that I don’t really need.  I am the one who would like other things to fill me up inside.  My message for you today is this: Be quiet inside.  Separate yourself from me.  I am not your worst enemy.  I am your closest friend.  Don’t let me overeat and overspend.  Be quiet inside and you will see/hear/feel what it is that I need to fill up the emptiness.

Further Reflection: I also journaled with this card a bit after that last reading.  She told me that she came into real power in my life in my late 20’s/early 30’s when I was involved in a codependent love relationship with an alcoholic.  There was a really big emptiness inside of me, then, she told me, and food was what she used to fill that empty space, to give herself comfort and sweetness.  Then after I left him, she took the back seat for a while, until I became a stepmother in my late 30’s… which was much more difficult than I had imagined.  The empty spaces loomed really large then, and this part of me was afraid of the empty spaces, didn’t know what they were.  Again, food was her easiest way to fill the void, and to keep the fear at bay.

Now I am just beginning to really love and care about this part of me.  Before working with this card, I used to be angry at her and thought that if she would just GO AWAY, I would be able to lose my extra weight and finally feel good about my body again.  Now I realize that I can help her by recognizing the empty spaces when they appear in my life, by helping her name those empty spaces (loneliness, grief, disappointment…) and by finding out what she really is wanting more of to fill the holes (big or small) in my life.

Save

I made this card intentionally, to express an inner part of me that had been stifling and complicating my journey for a looooong time now.

Who are you? I am the one who sees disaster right in front of me but I deny that it has anything to do with me.  I am the one who keeps my cool, who sits on my throne and surveys the damage from a distance.  I am the one who smiles my beatific smile and pretends that everything is okay when really it is anything but okay. I am the one who sees pirate ships nearby, and to protect you, I act like everything is all right. 

I am the one who denies disasters, problems, calamities and challenges.  I am the one who watches the TV news and says “Don’t worry about it, it has nothing to do with you,” when they are talking about global warming or environmental issues. I am the one who tells you not to worry about your weight problem, to go ahead and have another cookie because it doesn’t matter.  I am the one who is smiling on the outside, always, to hide the distress that is happening on my inside. I am the one who doesn’t want to get involved with the messiness of life, the ugliness of feelings.

What do you have to give me? I give you protection from difficult feelings and situations.  I give you a safe distance from the horrors and difficulties of life.  I give you an escape from dealing with the messiness of feelings like fear and pain and sorrow and rejection and anger and loss.

What do you want from me? I want you to be safe and happy.  I want you to be free from life’s trials and tribulations.  I want you to know that I have been working very, very hard to protect you from the hard painful work of dealing with difficult emotions.

Save

Save

Save

  Once I became aware of this particilar inner voice’s power over me, it took me a while to find the exact right image that captured her energy for me.  And she seemed to fit just perfectly between these blue rock formations!

Who are you? I am the one who sits between the blue rocks and feels sad because life didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to.  I am the who who is feeling sorry for myself.  I am the one who is disappointed when people don’t live up to my expectations or meet my “requirements.”  I am the one who resigns myself to my fate.  I am the one who wears the ugly brown shapeless garment of disappointment. 

I am the one whose eyes are clouded and I cannot see clearly because my disappointment dominates my vision.  I am the one who thinks my way is the only way and when people don’t do it “my way,” I lose respect for them and am disappointed in them.  I am the one who has learned to be continually disappointed in myself for not living up to my own high standards.

What do you have to give me? I give you an excuse to not make the effort to see the beauty and goodness that is all around you.  I give you a safe reason to not claim the joy that is your birthright.

What do you want from me? I want you to tell me that you love me, even though I’m not perfect.  I want you to love others the same way. I want you to hug me when my energy of disappointment arises for you, and remind me that acceptance is just one breath away (or two!).

Save

I made this card intuitively… I’d found the woman in the chair in a magazine somewhere.  She was sitting in front of a big building with lots of graffiti on it, and I didn’t like the background, so I cut her out completely and then tried out several different backgrounds until I felt “just right” about this one.

Who are you? I am the one who sits under the ancient African tree at the sunset time of my life.  I am the one who dares to sit naked here in my pearls and sandals and doesn’t care who sees my naked body.  I am the one who is comfortable in my own skin.  I am the one who is facing away from the setting sun.  I am the one who is facing another bright Sun.  I am the one who is content with where I’ve been, and with who and where I am.

What do you have to give me? I give you grounded contentment.  I give you something to look forward to.  I give you a sense of ancient history that is behind you.  I give you knowledge that there is something beyond the setting sun, something to look forward to as you age.  I give you a sense of grace and style and a remembering of who you really are.

What do you want from me? I want you to sit down and relax and enjoy your own body, your own company, your own aging.  I want you to look forward to what is next.  I want you to relax into your own skin.  I want you to be comfortable with who you are with all of who you are- body, mind and spirit.  I want you to retain your own personal authentic sense of style.

Save