Every year around Mother’s Day, a part of me begins to grieve the fact that I chose not to have children.  This was a personal choice and to this day I do not regret it. However, around this time of year, one or two of my inner voices simply feel sad.

At first, I fought the feeling, trying to rationalize it away.  But then I learned to accept this sadness.  It only lasts a day or two; it is part of my personal history and I believe it is meant to be honored, not shoved away.

Last year while flipping through magazines, seeking images for a workshop I was leading, I came across the image of mother and child that is on the right side of my card shown here.  And as I gazed into her eyes that first time, I could almost hear her saying “You would have been a good mother.”  My heart brightened at this message and I determined to make a card to honor this new voice inside of me.  She feels like a champion somehow.  I don’t know if she is Committee or Council, but it doesn’t matter. Her wisdom runs through my mind and heart and eases the difficult sadness I usually feel at this time of year:

Who are you?
I am the one who would have been a good mother and you know it.  I am the one who is so good with children.  I am the one who is comforting and kind and accepting of children.  I am the one who knows how to take care of children.  I am the one who loves children.

I am the one who is tired of all the inner voices who are telling you you would’ve been a bad mother.  I am the one who knows this is hogwash.  I am the one who knows I can be impatient and who has a quick temper BUT I am also the one who knows that that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have been a good mother.  I am the one who knows in my body-mind-soul that I would have been a good mother.

I am the one whose gifts for mothering in this lifetime have had to take other forms. 

I am the one who didn’t have a great mother when I was young AND I am the one who now knows that that doesn’t mean I would’ve been a bad mother.

I am the one who is strong and soft, who is safe and vulnerable.  I am the one who holds those I love with single-hearted focus.  I am the one who is held by the feminine spirit of Mother God.

What gifts do you bring?
I am the one who gives you the KNOWING that you would’ve been a good mother.  I am the one who gives you the confidence to say this out loud and often: “I would have been a good mother. I chose NOT to be a child-bearing mother in this lifetime and that is exactly as it should be.”
What do you want from me?I want you to stop beating yourself up for choosing to not have children.  I want you to stop the Inner Naysayers who have been feeding you all kinds of LIES about why you aren’t a mother.  I want you to believe with all your heart that you would’ve been a good mother.

You have all the qualities of a good mother- you are loving and generous and you know how to nurture.  Just because you have shortcomings, doesn’t mean that you would have failed as a mother.  I want you to OWN THIS!!!

Seena Frost was our beloved founder of and birth mother to the process that we call SoulCollage®.  On January 14, I read these words online, posted by Seena’s daughter:

Dear Seena, my mother and friend, merged peacefully into oneness with Spirit late last night at home with her family gathered around her.

The day before, we’d learned that Seena had been recently diagnosed with ALS and had gone into hospice care. So it was both a shock and a blessing to know that she had transitioned so easily and quickly. She was 83 years old.

I was fortunate to have met and worked with Seena several times since attending the Facilitator Training with her in 2005. She was a humble woman. Even with all her education and experience, she was continually amazed and surprised (and thoroughly delighted) when she heard about the many amazing things that Facilitators were doing with SoulCollage® around the world.

She was also one of the most grounded people I’ve ever met. During our Facilitator Training, we spent a solid hour going around the circle and telling the group what our next steps were for our SoulCollage® work in the world. At lunch afterwards, I was sitting at Seena’s table and I said, “So, Seena . . . what’s next for you?” I was totally expecting her to say something about how many more Trainings she’d like to do, or name a couple of national associations she’d like to share SoulCollage® with. But her response was, “Oh, I’m going to go home tomorrow and do some more gardening.” Ah. First things first. Of course.

Another favorite memory I have of Seena is at one of our Facilitator Conferences where she dressed up as Miss Ann Thrope (misanthrope) and entertained us all with breathtaking laughter. She had a lovely sense of humor and was always encouraging us to take ourselves less seriously.

When I joined Seena in Maryland in 2007 and 2008 to assist her with the East Coast Facilitator Trainings, she met with me and Roberta, my sister Trainer-in-Training, the day afterwards to go over our insights and questions. I distinctly remember that she started each of those meetings by inviting each of us to draw one card randomly from our decks and to listen to what each Neter had to say about the Training experience we’d just been through. She taught me to stay grounded in my cards, and to allow their wisdom to permeate all aspects of my life.

In September of last year I emailed her to ask her if she would be able to read my book of SoulCollage® essays, Through the Eyes of SoulCollage®, and if she felt up to it, to give me a quote for the back cover. Even though she hadn’t been feeling well for months and her publisher had told me I might not get a response, she replied to me immediately and asked for a printed copy of the manuscript. In less than two weeks she had read most of the book and what she said about it was a loving endorsement. I feel so grateful to her for this, for taking the time and energy to endorse my book, even though she was ill.

In looking back, however, I think that the greatest gift Seena gave me (besides permission to make my cards my way) was the gift of community. Throughout my LBS (Life Before SoulCollage®) I had been an intricate part of a couple of different communities (one church and several 12-Step groups) but those communities had been anchored in physical real-time. Our SoulCollage® community is much broader and wider, encompassing many people we’ve never met and will never meet.

Kindred Spirit Barbara posted a lovely blog the other day, Crying for a Woman I’ve Never Met. Barbara was wondering how she could possibly feel such deep grief for someone she’d never encountered in physical real-time. Perhaps some of you can relate to this. But I ask you: Did you grieve when John Lennon died? John F. Kennedy? David Bowie? Debbie Ford?

I know I felt deep sadness of a heartwrenching kind when I heard the terrible news about Corey Monteith, who played Finn on Glee. When John Denver died in a tragic plane crash, I went into the bathroom at my workplace and sat on the floor, weeping, for 15 minutes. I had never met Corey or John, but my heart felt connected to them because of the precious gifts that they had given the world.

Seena renewed for us the story about Indra’s Net, and how we are all connected through this infinite net that covers the whole planet. And not only are we connected, but we each reflect each other’s light a thousand fold. So think about this for a moment. If this is true, and I believe it is, then we each go forward now, reflecting Seena’s light into the world at large. She has given us such a gift of wholeness, clarity, creativity, and deep trust in ourselves. Let us share that gift with as many as we can, for as long as we can. And Seena will live on in each of us.

Visit this page for a short yet inspiring video/slide show tribute to Seena’s life featuring many of her own cards.

Reflecting on life
through the lens
of SoulCollage®…

I am delighted to announce the publication of my fourth book, although this is my first book-book about the powerful process of SoulCollage®.

It’s a compilation of 87 essays that I’ve written over the years for our Kindred Spirits members’ newsletter, Soul Treasures.

The essays are grouped into these categories:

• Life Lessons
• Community Suit
• Animal Companions Suit
• Spirituality
• Using Your SoulCollage® Cards

Each essay is followed by card making and journaling suggestions to deepen your own work with the process, as well as resources for further understanding.

I hope that this book inspires and encourages you on your own SoulCollage® journey!

Lots more info here.

P.S. I have autographed copies for sale and you can also purchase 10 or more copies at a discount to resell or to give as gifts.

P.P.S.  My other books are:
My Other Dad (a novel for pre-teens)(under Anne M Pacheco)
Bright Side of the Road: A Spiritual Journey Through Cancer
Sunflower Spirit Workbook for Women with Cancer

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of inner work with forgiveness- forgiving others but mostly forgiving myself.  This “work” involved journaling, art play, and EFT Tapping.  As I was nearing the end of all of this, I came across the image of the older woman looking into the younger woman’s eyes and I was immediately drawn to using it on a SoulCollage card to express visually how I was feeling inside about forgiving and being forgiven.

I am the one who looks into your eyes and only sees the best of you.  I am the one who looks with eyes of love.  I am the safe, wise, compassionate one who forgives because I love.  I am the one holding your precious head between my two hands.

I am the one standing with you against the eternal background of ocean.  We are watched over by Spirit.  I am the part of you who forgives easily.  I am the part of you who receives the blessing of forgiveness with open heart.

My gift to you is simply love.  I give you compassion.  I give you forgiveness.  I give you a vantage point from the future.  My gift to you is the freedom that comes from begin fully forgiven.

I want you to practice compassion and kindness towards yourself and others.  On a regular basis!  I want you to experience and receive kindness and compassion when it is offered to you. 

I want you to LOOK AT YOURSELF the way I am looking at you.

My wisdom for you today is this:  You are precious.  You are the one one of you that there is or ever will be.  Let go of EVERYTHING that weights you down- all fears, all guilts, all past mistakes… and look at yourself in the mirror the way that I am looking at you- with kindness, love, and true compassion.

I made this card completely intuitively and afterwards when I really LOOKED at it, I realized that I’d placed the woman in an open grave!  I felt a little uneasy about this, especially since I’ve done two rounds with Cancer.  But when I sat down and let her speak to me, I heard something surprising:

I am the one standing on an open grave.  I am the one blissfully savoring the moment. 

I am the one standing in a place marked for death but am surrounded by a multitude of growing things. 

My message for you today is this:  Everyone is marked by death.  There is a grave with everyone’s name on it.  But you’re not IN the grave yet!  Your time is NOW.  Savor THIS moment NOW. 

This moment = the only moment.