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Inner Surprises Blog

SoulCollage Inspiration

By Anne Marie Bennett

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Angel of Sorrow- Council Suit

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ScsorrowThis is one of the first cards I made, and it really surprised me, because I love color so much, and this one is in shades of black and white.  I also was surprised when I started to interpret this card because I thought it was about the part of me who grieves and feels deep sadness over loss.  BUT… as soon as the card began to “speak” to me, I discovered it really was a spirit guide of sorts.  Listen…

Who are you? I am the one who grieves with you when you hear bad news or when you suffer in any way.  I am the one who feels your losses as pain and grief.  I am the one who honors your loss, who holds your loss, who allows you to grieve.  I am the one who sits with you in the shadows of your pain and vulnerability.  I am the one who breathes new life into you when your grieving is done.  I am the one who walks hand in hand with Sorrow.  I am the one who helps you to bear the pain of your loss.

What do you have to give me? I give you acceptance and hope.  I give you a shoulder to lean on and a Knowing that you are not alone.   I give you new directions, new life.

What do you want from me? I want you to feel the pain of your grieving.  I want you to fully enter it, and to hold my hand while you are in that space of loss.  I want you to know that Sorrow has its own gifts, and you cannot receive them until you enter that particular darkness.  I want you to know that the darkness of grief is safe when you invite me to join you in that darkness.

Karen Mann- Community Suit

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I made this card to honor my Sckarenm_3
dear friend Karen Mann, who lives and facilitates SoulCollageĀ® in Melbourne, Australia! Karen and I corresponded via email and phone for over a year before I met her last summer at our KaleidoSoul Retreat at the Spirit Fire Retreat Center in Massachusetts.Ā  It is always amazing to me, miraculous even, how the internet can build and forge such bright and beautiful friendships.

Who are you? I am the one who dances the dance of
soul and art with women around the world through SoulCollage.Ā  I am the
one who leads and follows (in the dance that is SoulCollage) at the
same time.Ā  I am the one who is building a colorful, imaginative bridge
between many parts of the world with my SoulCollageĀ® work.

What do you have to give me? I give you color and imagination and
a partner for your own SoulCollageĀ® dance.Ā  I give you a full, bright
rainbow of hope that also is a bridge between our worlds.Ā  I give you
encouragement and support and friendship and strength for your journey.

And if that wasn’t enough… I drew this card in one of my Daily Readings only a few days after I created it!Ā  Here is what the card said to me then:

I am the one who is your friend and even though I live far away, on the other side of the world, I am always close to you in your heart.Ā  It is the imaginative, intuitive world of SoulCollageĀ® that connects us.

Queen Puritanica- Committee Suit

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ScqueenpuritanicaI made this card intentionally, believe it or not! Some work I was doing last month with my therapist led me to hear a voice inside of me who was saying things like, “Feeling good and having a wonderful life just isn’t something that people DO,” and “It’s not a good idea to feel good too much of the time.”  It seemed to be a menacing part of me, a part that has been holding me back from many things in my life.

So I went looking for an image and a background that matched the voice.  And… here she is… as soon as I found her, I knew that she was “the one!”  I also knew that she belonged against the frozen icy background that I ripped out of a magazine almost TWO YEARS ago.

Then I began the challenge of actually sitting down with this part of myself and giving her space to talk.  Needless to say, some inner surprises were definitely in store for me!

Who are you? I am the one you have been avoiding.  I am the one who is old and set in my ways.  I am the one who restricts you from feeling good for too long.  Nothing good comes from letting yourself hang onto good feelings.

I am the one who is always looking around to see what others are thinking of us.  I am the one who has a firm hand to hold You down.  I am the one who takes your dreams and wishes and yearnings and passions and desires, and locks them up in a heavy metal box that is nailed shut and placed in the middle of an icy, frozen lake.  I am the one who is looking off into the distance to be sure that no one threatening or dangerous is coming our way.  I am the one who says you cannot always have what you want.  Sometimes, of course, I allow you to have good feelings.  I do want you to be happy, but I don’t want you to feel that good ALL of the time.  It isn’t right.  It isn’t proper.  It isn’t how I do things.  It isn’t who you are. I am the one who keeps you in your place.  I am the one who has many servants to do my bidding.  I am the one with all the power and authority in your inner world.  I am the one who makes it always winter, and never summer.  I am the one who is furious when you ask for what you want and expect to receive it. I am the one whose duty it is to keep you small and low and in your place.

What do you have to give me? I give you protection from disappointment and loss.  I give you safety in smallness.  If you stay small, you risk nothing and therefore you stay safe.

What do you want from me? I want you to remember your place in my kingdom.  I want you to stop trying to live a larger life than the one I have given you.  I want you to stop doing the things that you love every single day.  Once in a while is just fine, but you can’t be doing these things (writing, journaling, getting up early, swimming, walking by the ocean, dancing, cuddling, laughing, playing with Sasha…) EVERY DAY. 

Is there anything else you have to say to me right now? I am the one who insists on saving the best for last.  Immediate gratification never helped ANYONE.  I am  the one who insists that you not wear your favorite clothes every day, who says “we’ll do that later” when I hear you thinking of doing something that you really love.

I did a lot more work with this card than you can see here.  I did some guided visualization work with her with my therapist.  I also did several journal entries, short-story-style where I had her tell her story.  One of my “inner surprises” came when I asked her: When did you freeze the lake?  She informed me that it was called the Lake of Possibilities and that she froze the Lake about 30 years ago when the first real love-of-my-life called me up and told me that he didn’t love me anymore.  And her whole mode of operation since then had been to protect me from that kind of hurt again. 

The more that I worked with her, and really listened, and really let her tell me her story, the more I could see exactly how she had manifested herself in my life.  It was an amazing process, and I am still working with her.  The more I listen to her, the more her energy is shifting.  The last time I talked with her intentionally, she told me, “I am the one who lives in your heart.  I am the one who loves.”   So now I’m wondering if maybe she is the Being that lives in my 4th Chakra Heart area.  Only time will tell… and I am willing to wait and see!

Lion- Companion Animals Suit

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SclionGiven my natural attraction to cats, I wasn’t surprised when Lion showed up as one of my animal totems!  He is directly related to my 5th Chakra center, the Throat, which focuses on self-expression.

Who are you? I am the one who is King of the jungle, king of the forest, king of all that is.  I am the one who is both gentle and ferocious. 

I am the one who roars when I have need to roar and who is silent when silence is demanded. I am the one whose eyes have seen all and know all.  I am the one who is called Aslan in your favorite children’s book. I am the one of wisdom, strength, gentleness and courage. What do you have to give me? I give you strength and courage.  I give you the ability to roar, the inner peace and centeredness to be silent, and the wisdom to know when each is called for. I give you Power and Authority and Wisdom. What do you want from me? I want you to be still for a moment and feel the power of life roaring through you.  This power, this energy, is always there, always inside of you, surrounding you.  I want you to notice it, feel it, grasp it, claim it, allow it to transform you.

NOTES:

4/2006- Daily Reading- I am the one who is strong and at ease with my own strength.  I am the one who is totally at ease with who I am.  My message for you today is this: be comfortable with all of your many strengths. Be yourself.

4/2007- Daily Reading- I am the one who is the Grand Parent of the cats you so dearly love in your daily life.  I am the one who helps you rise above daily worries and fears, who carries you above the clouds and closer to the Sun.  My message for you today is this: take my energy with you into all of your relationships.  What needs to be said?  Say it.  Ask yourself, and others, the questions that need to be asked.  Answer them.  Allow the answers to come forth.  I am the energy of your throat chakra.  Allow my energy to open this area of your body so that your voice can be heard, and given and received in love.

My Brother Joe- Community Suit

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ScjoeThis card honors my oldest brother, Joe.  He is ten years older than me, so we weren’t close until I was an adult.  But when I was in my early teens, he always took the time to do things with me.  The biggest thing he ever did for me was introduce me to the theatre.  When I was 12 he and his wife Karen took me to see a production of Man of La Mancha at the University of Connecticut, and I fell in love immediately with everything about theatre.

Joe is also a teacher, and a photographer/film maker, but his biggest passion is reading.  I believe I have captured the essence of my big brother and my relationship with him here on this SoulCollageĀ® card, which honors him in my deck.

Who are you? I am the one who is your big brother.  I am the one who took you places when you were little and who introduced you to the theatre.  I am the one who loves taking pictures and filming documentaries, who loves books. What do you have to give me? I give you a special bond, a special brother-sister relationship.  I give you curiosity and validation and unconditional love.  I give you a shared history and a love of reading and writing. I give you a sense of family and support in whatever you undertake.