Inner Surprises Blog

SoulCollage Inspiration

By Anne Marie Bennett

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Mom- Community Suit

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ScmomI made this card, intentionally of course, to honor my mother soon after I began practicing SoulCollage.  She had died the previous year, so I found it very healing to make this card to honor her life and my relationship with her.  She has shown up several times in my Daily Readings as well, which has been a very interesting and healing thing for me.

Who are you?

I am the one who is your mother, who welcomed you into our family with great joy and a thankful heart. I am the one for whom my family was everything. I am the one who was abused as a child, who grew up with much fear, self-doubt and insecurity. I am the one who is creative and artistic, who loves making things and using colored pens and rubber stamping.  I am the one who knows the value of friendship. I am the one who loves autumn and nature and the ocean.  I am the one who has a deep faith and believes in the power of prayer.  I am the one who tried so hard to be a good mother but lots of times things got in the way.  I am the one who created a home for you and your brothers.  I am the one who loved your father so much. 
I am the one who is so proud of you and your brothers. I am the one who never believed I was worthy, who never believed in myself.  I am the one who never thought I was enough, and who was always worried about what other people would think about me, about you, about us.  I am the one who took life so seriously, who found it hard to laugh.

What do you have to give me? I give you the knowing that you were loved as a child, and that you are deeply loved even now.  I give you artistic ability and vision.  I give you faith and a prayer life and the knowledge of the value of friendship.

What do you want from me? I want you to believe in yourself, to know that you are special, loved, chosen, wanted.  I want you to not make the same mistakes that I did.  I want you to go to the ocean and to York Beach often and remember me there. I was happy there.  I want you to remember that I was happy being your mother.

NOTES:

11/18/05- Reading/Question about my two stepdaughters who weren’t getting along- What I have to say to you today is this: I know you are worried about the girls, especially the older one.  Remember that she needs love and kindness now.  Boundaries, yes.  But love and kindness most of all.  Remember when she was very young and you were able to give her that. You can give her that now.  And understanding too.

5/24/07- Daily Reading- I am the one who cherished you and who loved being your mother.  Are you surprised that I show up in your daily reading the week of your birthday?  I’m not!  My message for you today is this: I can see things very differently now.  I hope that you will let go of everything else and only remember the love that was/is mine for you, dear daughter.  And it is no coincidence that I showed up today, the day you also drew your “Time In A Bottle” card!  In my life, I also put joyful things at the very bottom of my many many to-do lists.  That doesn’t mean that YOU have to do the same thing.

10/22/08- Daily Reading- I am the one who gave birth to you, who loves you even beyond death.  I am the one who is your mother.  My message for you today is this: I held you back in life because I thought I was protecting you. I didn’t know any other way.  MY fears got in YOUR way and I am sorry about that.  Don’t let them get in your way now, my darling daughter.  All is well and all will be well.  I didn’t know that when I was alive but I do know it now.  I want you to be healed and whole and free.  So let it go… let it all go.

2/11/08- Daily Reading- I am the one who is your mother.  I am the one who gave birth to you, who loves kittens and chocolate, the ocean, and YOU.  I am the one who always felt connected to and IS still connected to you. My message for you today is this: I still love you.  I see and am aware of the emotional work you are doing around the fact of our wounded relationship, and it’s okay.  I didn’t know that the damage I did lasted this long.  I am sorry.  I was the best mother I knew how to be.  Love transcends death.  I am still here watching over you and sending blessings your way.

Giving- Committee Suit

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ScgivingI made this card intuitively and found that it tapped into a really powerful part of myself.

Who are you? I am the one who delights in giving, who offers open hands and much laughter as I give to others and to myself.  I am the one whose hands are open to give.  I am the one with a generous heart and spirit.  I am the one who loves to find just the right gift for someone, who pays attention and sees what is needed and then gives it freely.

What do you have to give me? I give you the joy that comes from giving.  I give you your generous heart and spirit.  I give you ideas for what to give others as birthday and Christmas presents… etc.

What do you want from me? I want you to continue to delight in giving to others.  I want you to remember this divine aspect of yourself.

NOTES:

1/1/07- drew in monthly reading

3/5/07- drew in monthly reading

10/26/07- Daily Reading- I am the one who gives my gift to the world with open hands.  I am the one who delights in opening my hands and my self to the world.  I am the one who IS a gift to the world at large and to those who are close to me.  My message for you today is this: name your gifts… remember what they are and how generously they have been given to you.  Experience the joy that comes from receiving and giving these gifts.

3/1/08- Daily Reading- I am the one who gives my gifts from a Divine Source, from hands bigger than my own.  I am the one who loves to give.  My message for you today is this: You get lots and lots of Joy Points from giving… don’t overlook this keen aspect of joy for you.  So many times in the past with your stepchildren, your innate pleasure in giving was tromped on, wounded into silence, but that is NOT SO any more!  Keep setting me free.. and watch yourself light up with joy.

Kripalu- Community Suit

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SckripaluI made this card at the beginning of my SoulCollage® journey, to honor a very special place in my life: Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Lenox, MA.

At first it found its “home” in a special suit in my deck called “Sacred Places.”  But last year, Seena Frost suggested that cards like this belong in our Community Suit.  So that is where my Kripalu card now lives!

Who are you? I am the one who is full of sacred space and wild unreserved beauty.  I am the one who is open and yielding, who is here for you whenever you need me.  I am the one who is a restful place on your journey. What do you have to give me? I give you rest and healing and sanctuary.  I give you a place to stop, to remember who you are. What do you want from me? I want you to visit me often, in body as well as in memory.  I want you to embrace your own loving beautiful self.

Queen of Denial- Committee Suit

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Scqueendenial I made this card intentionally, to express an inner part of me that has been stifling and complicating my journey for a looooong time now. Who are you? I am the one who sees disaster right in front of me but I deny that it has anything to do with me.  I am the one who keeps my cool, who sits on my throne and surveys the damage from a distance.  I am the one who smiles my beatific smile and pretends that everything is okay when really it is anything but okay. I am the one who sees pirate ships nearby, and to protect you, I act like everything is all right.  I am the one who denies disasters, problems, calamities and challenges.  I am the one who watches the TV news and says “Don’t worry about it, it has nothing to do with you,” when they are talking about global warming or environmental issues. I am the one who tells you not to worry about your weight problem, to go ahead and have another cookie because it doesn’t matter.  I am the one who is smiling on the outside, always, to hide the distress that is happening on my inside. I am the one who doesn’t want to get involved with the messiness of life, the ugliness of feelings. What do you have to give me? I give you protection from difficult feelings and situations.  I give you a safe distance from the horrors and difficulties of life.  I give you an escape from dealing with the messiness of feelings like fear and pain and sorrow and rejection and anger and loss. What do you want from me? I want you to be safe and happy.  I want you to be free from life’s trials and tribulations.  I want you to know that I have been working very, very hard to protect you from the hard painful work of dealing with difficult emotions.

Cosmic Gardener- Council Suit

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Sccosmicgardener_3Who are you? I am the one who tends to all growing things.  I am the one who kneels in prayer and gratitude as things and people grow.  I am the one who shelters growing things in the light. What do you have to give me? I give you knowledge that your inner growth is not unnoticed.  I give you as much inner growth as your mind and soul and body are ready for.  I give you strength in your growth, gratitude for your growth, peace and light in your growth. What do you want from me? I want you to know that you are not alone on your quest for inner growth.  I want you to remember that your growth is in my hands and that you need not worry, that my work is good.