I’ve been giving myself a crunchload of deadlines lately, for my personal life as well as for my business. Today I drew this card in my daily reading. Big surprise! It’s Gabriella, my Overachiever/Pusher.
I am the one who always needs to be DOING something. I am the one who wants to win, to be the best. I am the one who hates wasting time, who doesn’t understand why you need an hour or two to sit with your feet up reading a novel. I am the one who makes lists and schedules and insists that you DO them all. I am Impatience’s sister. She and I are molded of the same DNA.
I give you a sense of purpose and I’m good at seeing what needs to be done and at showing you how to meet deadlines. I want you to do, do, do, and to forget about all this “being enough” crap. I want you to keep improving yourself.
My message for you today is this… I am the one who wants you to finish everything on your TO DO list before I let you play or have fun or do something “luxurious” like relaxing with a good book. Take a step back and look at my energy and what it is doing in your life… Notice how my energy can be channeled into balanced action for your life. I can help you but I need tight reins. I can help you but I need some boundaries.
When I was laid up in bed several years ago with bronchitis, I started watching two hours of Judging Amy reruns every day, and somehow I got hooked. After a few weeks, I couldn’t justify lying in bed until 2 every afternoon, so I began recording the episodes and then watching them at night or catching up in weekend marathons.
If you don’t know this show, it’s about a Juvenile Court judge (Amy) who is in her 30’s and lives at home with her mother (Maxine) who is a social worker, and her 10 year old daughter (Lauren). While I found the courtroom scenes, the social work stories, and the love triangles intriguing, I still wasn’t quite sure why I was so drawn to this show.
A few of my inner voices were intent on judging me for this prime time obsession. Can’t you find something better to do with your time? This is ridiculous. You are becoming a TV junkie. How juvenile are you anyway?
But I felt, somewhere deep within me, the need to keep watching it. It felt like this was more than a television show to me somehow, and I decided to trust these inner nudges to keep watching. I decided to trust my intuition, and to develop a “wait and see” attitude. So I kept watching.
Sometime in the middle of this Judging Amy Marathon, I did a SoulCollage® reading where I asked a question of my deck, and then drew 4 cards. Interestingly enough, THREE of those FOUR cards had something to do with the topic of mothering.
As I journaled through the reading, I came across a startling realization!
Divine Mother- Unconditional Love and Nurturing
Here is part of what the Divine Mother card “said” to me as part of this reading: Good, truly deep mothering is not something that you ever received, although your mom’s intentions were good. And so you are now struggling with the process of inner mothering. I can help you with this.
Watching Judging Amy is helping you too. Do not brush it aside as “just a tv show…” You are receiving much wisdom and insight from watching Maxine and Amy, and Amy with Lauren…. Embrace what you are learning there. Be glad of it and grateful for it too.
I was completely startled to see those words coming from my hand, and from the voice of the Divine Mother! What she told me made perfect sense. It was all suddenly crystal clear.
After that I watched the show with a bit more of a focus, and the lessons I learned on what it means to mother myself came faster than I could write them down!
I love telling this story about myself because it’s a clear reminder of how I can and should always trust my intuition. My soul truly DOES know what will serve me best… all I have to do is listen and follow!
Recently I’ve been doing a lot of inner work with forgiveness- forgiving others but mostly forgiving myself. This “work” involved journaling, art play, and EFT Tapping. As I was nearing the end of all of this, I came across the image of the older woman looking into the younger woman’s eyes and I was immediately drawn to using it on a SoulCollage card to express visually how I was feeling inside about forgiving and being forgiven.
I am the one who looks into your eyes and only sees the best of you. I am the one who looks with eyes of love. I am the safe, wise, compassionate one who forgives because I love. I am the one holding your precious head between my two hands.
I am the one standing with you against the eternal background of ocean. We are watched over by Spirit. I am the part of you who forgives easily. I am the part of you who receives the blessing of forgiveness with open heart.
My gift to you is simply love. I give you compassion. I give you forgiveness. I give you a vantage point from the future. My gift to you is the freedom that comes from begin fully forgiven.
I want you to practice compassion and kindness towards yourself and others. On a regular basis! I want you to experience and receive kindness and compassion when it is offered to you.
I want you to LOOK AT YOURSELF the way I am looking at you.
My wisdom for you today is this: You are precious. You are the one one of you that there is or ever will be. Let go of EVERYTHING that weights you down- all fears, all guilts, all past mistakes… and look at yourself in the mirror the way that I am looking at you- with kindness, love, and true compassion.
I made this card completely intuitively and afterwards when I really LOOKED at it, I realized that I’d placed the woman in an open grave! I felt a little uneasy about this, especially since I’ve done two rounds with Cancer. But when I sat down and let her speak to me, I heard something surprising:
when my body dies I will return to this earth ’til then, I savor life!
I am the one standing on an open grave. I am the one blissfully savoring the moment.
I am the one standing in a place marked for death but am surrounded by a multitude of growing things.
My message for you today is this: Everyone is marked by death. There is a grave with everyone’s name on it. But you’re not IN the grave yet! Your time is NOW. Savor THIS moment NOW.
In 2006 when our fun loving, man-of-the-house tiger cat Scooter died, I went to my Deck and said “Who will help me deal with the loss of my dear cat Scooter?”
This is the card that I drew, my mystical child. Her voice immediately offered me comfort and a subtle kind of peace:
I am the one who believes in magic and fairies. I am the one who talks to angels and animals, and hears them talking back to me. I am the one who believes in prayer and who prayers frequently and fervently, with faith. I am the one in direct contact with the Divine.
I am the one who believes in magic and who watches spellbound as rabbits are pulled out of hats and scarves change color in mid-air. I am the one who acknowledges the Mysteries of the universe, who accepts the Mysteries and loves them as they are.
I give you a sense of mystery and awe. I give you the knowledge of other realities and the open mind to accept them. I want you to believe in fairies and angels, and to know that dolphins and cats can talk to you. I want you to see magic everywhere you turn. I want you to pray and to know that your prayers are ALWAYS answered. I want you to stay connected to the Divine.
What I have to say to you today is this: Scooter has been gone for a week now, but from the first moment you met him, you asked for Angel Protection for him, because you knew he was a wild free spirit– he told you this, and you listened, you heard him. You honored his deepest heart’s longings by letting him have his freedom, and you always knew that you couldn’t be the one to protect him, as much as you wanted to.
Now, today, in the midst of your aching grief, I want you to know and to believe that he has and has always had the Angel Protection that you continually asked for. I want you to have faith that the Angels have honored your request. It really is that simple. I also want you to know that all of your inner communication with Scooter was and is real. He felt safe with you and he loved you fiercely. Know that this safety and love continues on even when his body is not here with you.
Let there be joy and gladness in the midst of your tears and pain, for anytime a wild creature like this is loved so deeply, heaven is full of gratitude and rainbows.
I’ve been giving myself a crunchload of deadlines lately, for my personal life as well as for my business. Today I drew this card in my daily reading. Big surprise! It’s Gabriella, my Overachiever/Pusher.
