Sometimes I visualize all of my “inner voices” as residing in a big castle. Each one has its own room and sometimes I visualize (in meditation or in writing) myself there, exploring the rooms and the part of me that inhabits each one. 

One day a few weeks ago while “exploring” my inner castle, I found myself in the dungeon, so to speak, and guess what?  There are some parts of me that I’ve locked up down there because other parts have been stronger, or because I just haven’t known how to interact with them.

This Angry One is one of those parts. I don’t have a name for her yet (except Angry One) , but I am getting to know her a little bit better day by day. 

One day last week I imagined myself taking her hand in the dungeon and inviting her to go with me “upstairs” into my world and into my life.  “Just for the day,” I promised her.  I can’t even begin to tell you what a difference it made! And it just so happened that that very same day, my husband did something that REALLY pissed me off on a very deep level (not just surface stuff being activated, but many years of stepfamily issues rising to the surface).  And as I was feeling my blood boil, I remembered The Angry One and that she was with/beside me for the day….. It was as if I’d really been set free.  I was able to speak my anger to my husband without being consumed by it, and believe me…. this was a brand new experience for me!

I haven’t done a formal interpretation of this card yet (asking the questions and letting her answer). For now it is just enough that I have invited her out of the dungeon and into my everyday world. For now it is enough that I am becoming aware of the times when I’m angry, and offering compassion and curiosity to this part of me instead of shutting her away in the dungeon of my inner castle.

I think a lot of it has to do with social conditioning around the subject of anger. It’s not “nice” to be angry is a message that seems to be prevalent.  Growing up, I saw my mother lash out with her anger…. and I saw my father repress his completely.  I chose his way because her way was hurtful.  But now I am seeing that there is a different way. 

At first I was actually afraid of The Angry One, but now I see that she isn’t here to hurt me or anyone else in my life. She is here to shine light on injustice and to help me forge the way to my own best self.