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Inner Surprises Blog

SoulCollage® Suits

By Anne Marie Bennett

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SoulCollage® Suits

Queen Puritanica- Committee Suit

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ScqueenpuritanicaI made this card intentionally, believe it or not! Some work I was doing last month with my therapist led me to hear a voice inside of me who was saying things like, “Feeling good and having a wonderful life just isn’t something that people DO,” and “It’s not a good idea to feel good too much of the time.”  It seemed to be a menacing part of me, a part that has been holding me back from many things in my life.

So I went looking for an image and a background that matched the voice.  And… here she is… as soon as I found her, I knew that she was “the one!”  I also knew that she belonged against the frozen icy background that I ripped out of a magazine almost TWO YEARS ago.

Then I began the challenge of actually sitting down with this part of myself and giving her space to talk.  Needless to say, some inner surprises were definitely in store for me!

Who are you? I am the one you have been avoiding.  I am the one who is old and set in my ways.  I am the one who restricts you from feeling good for too long.  Nothing good comes from letting yourself hang onto good feelings.

I am the one who is always looking around to see what others are thinking of us.  I am the one who has a firm hand to hold You down.  I am the one who takes your dreams and wishes and yearnings and passions and desires, and locks them up in a heavy metal box that is nailed shut and placed in the middle of an icy, frozen lake.  I am the one who is looking off into the distance to be sure that no one threatening or dangerous is coming our way.  I am the one who says you cannot always have what you want.  Sometimes, of course, I allow you to have good feelings.  I do want you to be happy, but I don’t want you to feel that good ALL of the time.  It isn’t right.  It isn’t proper.  It isn’t how I do things.  It isn’t who you are. I am the one who keeps you in your place.  I am the one who has many servants to do my bidding.  I am the one with all the power and authority in your inner world.  I am the one who makes it always winter, and never summer.  I am the one who is furious when you ask for what you want and expect to receive it. I am the one whose duty it is to keep you small and low and in your place.

What do you have to give me? I give you protection from disappointment and loss.  I give you safety in smallness.  If you stay small, you risk nothing and therefore you stay safe.

What do you want from me? I want you to remember your place in my kingdom.  I want you to stop trying to live a larger life than the one I have given you.  I want you to stop doing the things that you love every single day.  Once in a while is just fine, but you can’t be doing these things (writing, journaling, getting up early, swimming, walking by the ocean, dancing, cuddling, laughing, playing with Sasha…) EVERY DAY. 

Is there anything else you have to say to me right now? I am the one who insists on saving the best for last.  Immediate gratification never helped ANYONE.  I am  the one who insists that you not wear your favorite clothes every day, who says “we’ll do that later” when I hear you thinking of doing something that you really love.

I did a lot more work with this card than you can see here.  I did some guided visualization work with her with my therapist.  I also did several journal entries, short-story-style where I had her tell her story.  One of my “inner surprises” came when I asked her: When did you freeze the lake?  She informed me that it was called the Lake of Possibilities and that she froze the Lake about 30 years ago when the first real love-of-my-life called me up and told me that he didn’t love me anymore.  And her whole mode of operation since then had been to protect me from that kind of hurt again. 

The more that I worked with her, and really listened, and really let her tell me her story, the more I could see exactly how she had manifested herself in my life.  It was an amazing process, and I am still working with her.  The more I listen to her, the more her energy is shifting.  The last time I talked with her intentionally, she told me, “I am the one who lives in your heart.  I am the one who loves.”   So now I’m wondering if maybe she is the Being that lives in my 4th Chakra Heart area.  Only time will tell… and I am willing to wait and see!

Lion- Companion Animals Suit

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SclionGiven my natural attraction to cats, I wasn’t surprised when Lion showed up as one of my animal totems!  He is directly related to my 5th Chakra center, the Throat, which focuses on self-expression.

Who are you? I am the one who is King of the jungle, king of the forest, king of all that is.  I am the one who is both gentle and ferocious. 

I am the one who roars when I have need to roar and who is silent when silence is demanded. I am the one whose eyes have seen all and know all.  I am the one who is called Aslan in your favorite children’s book. I am the one of wisdom, strength, gentleness and courage. What do you have to give me? I give you strength and courage.  I give you the ability to roar, the inner peace and centeredness to be silent, and the wisdom to know when each is called for. I give you Power and Authority and Wisdom. What do you want from me? I want you to be still for a moment and feel the power of life roaring through you.  This power, this energy, is always there, always inside of you, surrounding you.  I want you to notice it, feel it, grasp it, claim it, allow it to transform you.

NOTES:

4/2006- Daily Reading- I am the one who is strong and at ease with my own strength.  I am the one who is totally at ease with who I am.  My message for you today is this: be comfortable with all of your many strengths. Be yourself.

4/2007- Daily Reading- I am the one who is the Grand Parent of the cats you so dearly love in your daily life.  I am the one who helps you rise above daily worries and fears, who carries you above the clouds and closer to the Sun.  My message for you today is this: take my energy with you into all of your relationships.  What needs to be said?  Say it.  Ask yourself, and others, the questions that need to be asked.  Answer them.  Allow the answers to come forth.  I am the energy of your throat chakra.  Allow my energy to open this area of your body so that your voice can be heard, and given and received in love.

My Brother Joe- Community Suit

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ScjoeThis card honors my oldest brother, Joe.  He is ten years older than me, so we weren’t close until I was an adult.  But when I was in my early teens, he always took the time to do things with me.  The biggest thing he ever did for me was introduce me to the theatre.  When I was 12 he and his wife Karen took me to see a production of Man of La Mancha at the University of Connecticut, and I fell in love immediately with everything about theatre.

Joe is also a teacher, and a photographer/film maker, but his biggest passion is reading.  I believe I have captured the essence of my big brother and my relationship with him here on this SoulCollageĀ® card, which honors him in my deck.

Who are you? I am the one who is your big brother.  I am the one who took you places when you were little and who introduced you to the theatre.  I am the one who loves taking pictures and filming documentaries, who loves books. What do you have to give me? I give you a special bond, a special brother-sister relationship.  I give you curiosity and validation and unconditional love.  I give you a shared history and a love of reading and writing. I give you a sense of family and support in whatever you undertake.

Peaceful Warrior- Council Suit

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ScwarriorWhen I intuitively made this SoulCollageĀ® card a few years ago, I was drawn to the woman’s face which dominates it.  I added the smaller image because I felt she held the same kind of energy as the larger image. 

Who are you? I am the one who shields and protects those I love.  I am the one who looks forward, eyes wide open and faces what is there with courage, determination, and peace.

I am the one who clothes my body in power and energy and clothing that makes a statement. 

I am the one who protects my Tribe, both inner and outer.

I am the one who first and foremost tries to settle disagreements peacefully.  I am the one who stands strong and sure in the face of the enemy.

I am the one who knows where my center is, so it is harder to push me off balance.

I am the one who challenges wrong-doing, whose by-word is Truth.

What do you have to give me? I give you strength and courage to stand up for your rights and your freedom and your truth. I give you clear-seeing. I give you a peaceful, centered heart and soul. I give you a strong body, a powerful mind and spirit.

What do you want from me? I want you to speak up and fight for yourself when you are attacked.  I want you to protect your Inner Tribe and your Outer Tribe.  I want you to know that revenge is not always necessary, that peaceful argument can accomplish much.  I want you to have faith in yourself.  Have faith in the truth, in the power of your inner truth, in the fact that Spirit is always on your side.

Notes: I drew this card a few months after I made it, about one day after I had been wrongfully accused of something at the place where I worked.  Drawing Peaceful Warrior, and listening to her, gave me the exact energy I needed to call my boss and speak the truth (which, it turns out, he wasn’t aware of).  I actually put the card right beside my telephone when I called him (he was out of town at the time) to remind me of what she was teaching me about solving differences.

Swan- Companion Animals Suit

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Scswans This is my 7th chakra (crown chakra) Companion Animal card in my SoulCollageĀ® deck.

Here is some more information about chakras and animal companions if you’d like to know more.

I made this card intuitively, not really knowing if it was part of my Companions suit or not.Ā  For many years, I’ve been drawn to swans- in real life, in fairy tales, and in art.Ā  And swans had appeared on several of my SoulCollageĀ® cards that were not in my Companions Suit.Ā  So I wasn’t sure.Ā  But after I did the interpretation below, it was very clear to me that Swan is indeed one of my companion animals, and definitely related to the more spiritual, divine chakra that is the Crown.

The background in this card makes a huge difference in its energy, and in what the swan is saying to me.Ā  Ā The swirling background feels kindof like a tunnel to me, a tunnel that looks like it is leading into a brighter light and peace.

Who are you? I am the one who has transformed into a pure white beautiful swan.Ā  I am the one who is not the ugly duckling that everyone thought I was.Ā  I am the one capable of beauty and flight.Ā  I am the one of mystery and magic.Ā  I am the one who crosses into and out of other worlds- mystical realms of color and light. I am the one who sees the future, who travels the tunnel of transformation with you.Ā  I am a symbol to you of the Divine.

What do you have to give me? I give you direct contact with Spirit.Ā  When you die, I will be the one who takes you to the other side.Ā  I am your guide between the worlds.Ā  I will take you safely to the others who have gone before you. I will take you to the place where we are all One.

What do you want from me? I want you to relax into your journey.Ā  I want youĀ  to remember that you are not a duck, that you are not bound by your own or others’ expectations of you. I want you to believe in the power of your own transformation, to trust in the existence of other worlds (imaginary as well as real).Ā  I want you to know that when you die, all really will be well.