Believe it or not, I made this SoulCollage^® card intuitively/spontaneously (3 years ago!) because I was drawn to the images, even though they were a bit scary!  What a surprise to let this SoulCollage^® speak to me and tell me its story… I discovered a very strong inner voice here, one that has been with me for a LONG time, but that I’d been unaware of.

Who are you? I am the one who puts up armor so that no one hurts me. I am the one who hides my true feelings about what you are saying because I don’t want you to see/know how hurt I am.  I am the one who protects myself with quick verbal defenses. I am the one who is defensive. I am the one who fears vulnerability.  I am the one who covers my true self up with protective, defensive armor so that I cannot be wounded.

What do you have to give me? I give you protection from those who want to hurt you, and from those who intend to do you harm.

What do you want from me? I want you to put on the armor when you are around people who can hurt you. I want you to KNOW WHEN to be defensive and when being defensive DOESN’T serve you at all.

NOTES FROM DAILY READINGS:

10/18/05- Sometimes you are defensive when you don’t need to be. You don’t always have to be wary of an attack.  It is good to be prepared, but your job now is to know WHEN you need to be prepared and when it is ok to let the armor down.

6/11/06- What I am saying to you today is this: it’s all about closing and defending your heart.  I tend to act up when I’ve been hurt.  I tend to act up when my heart has been wounded- that is when I put up the walls and the armor and shields, so I won’t be hurt again. But my real purpose is to protect you from people and things who really will hurt you. It’s your job to know the difference.

9/6/06- I am the one who doesn’t want people to know how I really feel. I am the one who holds in the hurt with the veil, the mask, the armor.  I am the one who cannot be my own true self because of my fear of being hurt.  What I am saying to you today is this: I really CAN protect you when you find yourself in the the presence of people who really WILL hurt you.  It’s OKAY to take off the veil, the shield, the armor, when you are with people who love and care about you.

5/20/07- I am the one who needs armor to protect myself.  I am the one who hides behind my armor. I am the one who is afraid of getting hurt.  My message for you today is this: happy birthday,dear one.  And know that there is a time and a place for using the armor… but most of the time you do not even need it!

During a discussion with my therapist about how anxious I was feeling about something, she asked me to close my eyes and notice where that anxiety was in my body.  I did as she said but I didn’t feel anything in my body at all. I felt completely numb.  Then I realized… it was in my head. When I start to feel anxious, it’s like I go straight up into my head with it and forget I have a body at all!

So I started looking for images of people without bodies…and this card was born.

At first I was a bit perplexed about the image in the lower right corner, though… it’s a full-bodied person (not just a head) who has just climbed a ladder up through the clouds and is standing in the clouds, looking at the sunrise.  But as you can see in one of my daily readings (below), it spoke to me and told me why I’d put it on this card, even though it doesn’t seem to fit with the theme.

Who are you? I am the one who is anxious.  I am the one who goes completely into my head when I feel displaced, out of place, alone, sad, lonely, afraid, angry, disappointed.  I go out of my body completely.  I forget that I even have a body.  I am the one who eats to numb the pain of feeling displaced and alone.  I am the one who eats to drug the anxious feelings.

What do you have to give me? I give you a reminder- when you feel anxious, get back into your body. I also give you an excuse to eat when you’re not hungry, to overeat to numb out.

What do you want from me? I want you to recognize and acknowledge me when I show up.  I want you to not feed me sugar when I appear.  I want you to breathe, stretch, go for a walk, dance, get back into your body. I want you to remember that you are never really displaced if you remember that your true home is your soul.

Notes from Daily Readings:

December, 2005: What I have to say to you today is this: Remember to breathe, to stay in your body. Especially after Jeff has gone to sleep and you still have awake time.  Breathe. Stay in your body. Anxiety doesn’t serve you… let it go.

November, 2006: I am the one who gets completely caught up in “head stuff.” I am the one who thinks reality is the stories I tell myself in my mind.  I am the one who is anxious and afraid.  My message for you today is this: Relax. Breathe. Know that there is more to you than what is going on in your mind.  Climb the ladder out of your mind and revel in the freedom of being back at home in your body.

This is a SoulCollage^® card I made from just one image. I think I found it in National Geographic.  I didn’t know exactly why I was so drawn to this woman, but as soon as she started speaking, I knew!

Who are you? I am the one who embraces all good things that come to me, with grace and joy.  I am the one who recognizes abundance when it lands in my arms.  I am the one whose physical countenance shines as I gather my abundance so freely given, to me.

I am the one who weaves the flowers of abundance into my hair like a queen radiating her royalty, a well-deserved crown. I am the one who gives the flowers away as freely as they are given to me, because I know and trust that there will always be more.

I am the one whose arms and heart are open, so more abundance can flow in.  I am the one who is full, who has more than enough beauty, color, order, peace, joy, and money. 

I am the one who opens my arms to abundance, who believes that I can have all good things.  I am the one who gives you deep joy whenever you pay attention to your inner voices and your outer riches.

What do you have to give me? I give you the entire world, Dear One.  You are already holding every good thing in your arms.  Notice!  See!  Be aware!  Embrace these gifts every, every day.

What do you want from me? I want you to pay attention to your inner and outer riches.  Abundance is already manifest in your life.  I want you to stop and look around and NOTICE it.

8/1/07- Daily Reading: I am the one who is here to remind you that abundance is not something that you will one day have… it is already yours, now and always.  My message for you today is to enjoy the flowers of abundance that have been given to you as your divine birthright.  Embrace it ALL.  It is yours- freely given. Keep your arms open that you might receive even MORE.

3/1/08- Daily Reading: I am the one who is not perfect but who is joyfully rooted in each and every present moment of abundance.  I am the one who expects the sun to shine on me, who expects to always have arms full of flowers, to always have my arms full of exactly what I need!  My message for you today is this–  open your arms and Divine Spirit will give you everything you need and desire… and MORE.

I made this card intuitively and found that it tapped into a really powerful part of myself.

Who are you? I am the one who delights in giving, who offers open hands and much laughter as I give to others and to myself.  I am the one whose hands are open to give.  I am the one with a generous heart and spirit.  I am the one who loves to find just the right gift for someone, who pays attention and sees what is needed and then gives it freely.

What do you have to give me? I give you the joy that comes from giving.  I give you your generous heart and spirit.  I give you ideas for what to give others as birthday and Christmas presents… etc.

What do you want from me? I want you to continue to delight in giving to others.  I want you to remember this divine aspect of yourself.

NOTES:

1/1/07- drew in monthly reading

3/5/07- drew in monthly reading

10/26/07- Daily Reading- I am the one who gives my gift to the world with open hands.  I am the one who delights in opening my hands and my self to the world.  I am the one who IS a gift to the world at large and to those who are close to me.  My message for you today is this: name your gifts… remember what they are and how generously they have been given to you.  Experience the joy that comes from receiving and giving these gifts.

3/1/08- Daily Reading- I am the one who gives my gifts from a Divine Source, from hands bigger than my own.  I am the one who loves to give.  My message for you today is this: You get lots and lots of Joy Points from giving… don’t overlook this keen aspect of joy for you.  So many times in the past with your stepchildren, your innate pleasure in giving was tromped on, wounded into silence, but that is NOT SO any more!  Keep setting me free.. and watch yourself light up with joy.

I made this card intentionally, to express an inner part of me that has been stifling and complicating my journey for a looooong time now. Who are you? I am the one who sees disaster right in front of me but I deny that it has anything to do with me.  I am the one who keeps my cool, who sits on my throne and surveys the damage from a distance.  I am the one who smiles my beatific smile and pretends that everything is okay when really it is anything but okay. I am the one who sees pirate ships nearby, and to protect you, I act like everything is all right.  I am the one who denies disasters, problems, calamities and challenges.  I am the one who watches the TV news and says “Don’t worry about it, it has nothing to do with you,” when they are talking about global warming or environmental issues. I am the one who tells you not to worry about your weight problem, to go ahead and have another cookie because it doesn’t matter.  I am the one who is smiling on the outside, always, to hide the distress that is happening on my inside. I am the one who doesn’t want to get involved with the messiness of life, the ugliness of feelings. What do you have to give me? I give you protection from difficult feelings and situations.  I give you a safe distance from the horrors and difficulties of life.  I give you an escape from dealing with the messiness of feelings like fear and pain and sorrow and rejection and anger and loss. What do you want from me? I want you to be safe and happy.  I want you to be free from life’s trials and tribulations.  I want you to know that I have been working very, very hard to protect you from the hard painful work of dealing with difficult emotions.