So I’ve been struggling for a few days now with the fact that we’re having a big party here at our house this Sunday afternoon to welcome our 8th grandchild (3rd granddaughter), and my stepdaughter has taken over the planning and the inviting and the deciding who is bringing what, without even consulting me or my husband!

I know it’s her child BUT it’s our house where the party is being held.  I’ve been feeling so angry about this, and it’s been bringing up the old wounds of being left out, excluded and rejected from the years when the kids were young and difficult to live with.

Just now, I was journaling about it and had the idea to draw a couple of cards from my deck.  Just a daily reading. I didn’t even ASK a question about how to deal with this party issue… and look at Who showed up and what they said to me (unedited)(without even being asked!):

Community (Committee Card) – I am the one who is part of a group.  I am the one who loves being with others, who loves sharing and laughing and hanging out with my tribe.  I am the one who knows who my Tribe is.  I am the one who is connected to my tribe.  I am the one who plays with those who love me and accept me.  My message for you today is this- remember who your Tribe really is.  Who do you feel most comfortable with, most YOURSELF with? It is not Jeff’s family, that’s for sure. THEY are not your tribe!  You need to be hanging out more with YOUR tribe.  It’s ok to hang out with people who are not your tribe occasionally, but REMEMBER that they are not YOUR tribe. You are causing yourself undue stress by thinking Jeff’s family is YOUR tribe. You have not been left out by the members of YOUR tribe, keep that in mind.  Keep in mind also that what is happening on Sunday afternoon is a social occasion. You are trying to make it something deep and meaningful, and it is not.  It is a welcome party for your 8^th grandchild, that is all. SHE is to be the center of attention, not YOU.  They love you in their own way, even if it is not the way that you long for. Stick to your own Tribe for that kind of love.

Pacheco Family (Community)- (This card shows my parents and two brothers with me on the left, and me with my two nieces and nephews on the right, in younger days!)  We are the ones who are your original Tribe. We are the ones who nurtured you and loved you from the very beginning. Some of us did not love unconditionally or perfectly, of that you are aware, but we did and do love you fully. You are very dear to us.  Our message for you today is this- the reason you are struggling with not looking forward to Sunday’s party is that you are comparing THEIR parties with OUR parties. They are not the same and they can never be the same. Stop trying to make it so. You are struggling and it will never come to pass. We are part of YOUR TRIBE, dear Anne Marie, and we always will be.  You feel at home with us, and we feel your love and your specialness because we are connected in deeper ways that you and Jeff’s family are not connected. Yes, some stepfamilies do become Tribes but yours is not meant to be that way. It is a Tribe of sorts, yes, but not the deeper community-centered tribe that you are trying to make it. Stop trying to make that Tribe be something that it is not. 

I am blown away by this reading and I have to say I am feeling ZERO anger right now towards my stepdaughter or anyone else in my husband’s family!  The blessings and joys and healing power of SoulCollage!

This is a card I made years ago and I am deeply in love with all of the images here.  Even though I’ve journaled with this card several times, its meaning and message has always been unclear.

Then Karen Mann came to visit me from Australia last fall, and she led a workshop where we took one of our cards and wrote an Alphabet Poem in the voice of the card. Every line begins with the next letter of the alphabet.  Sounded like a good challenge to me, so I chose this mystery card because I wanted to go deeper into its meaning.

Here’s what I wrote… or rather, here’s what wrote itself through me, somehow:

Absolutely
Benign am I.
Can you
Decide to trust that
Everything
Falls
Gorgeously where it lands?
Hear my heated breath
If you dare.
Just
Keep
Listening and loving and leaning back.
My
Name is wildness.  I am
One who
Protects you from Ice
Queens and
Ragamuffin warriors.
Stop and
Take time to
Understand that my wish is
Virtuious and clearn, not violent and deadly.
Will you come close to your wildness?
eXactly now. I will show you how!
Yes.

It is very interesting because all the other times I journaled with this card, I was speaking from the voice of the woman. This time, the wild animal was the one speaking!

Since listening to Seena Frost’s commitment to adding more humor to our Decks, I am always on the lookout for images that amuse me, that make me laugh out loud when I first come upon them, that tickle my funny-bone.

So when I came across this cool dude in a martini glass last year, I happily glued him onto this card. He’s never showed up in a reading until recently, and wowee, he had a lot to say:

Who are you?

I am the one who has nothing better to do than sit here in my shorts and eat the olives out of martini glasses.  I am the one who is relaxed and enjoying myself. I am the one who does not have a care in the world, nor do I give a damn what other people think of me.  I am the one who is comfortable doing things that are out of the ordinary.

What do you have to give me?

I give you permission to strip down to your shorts and RELAX.  I give you permission to do whatever the hell you want.  So- you don’t like olives or martinis?  Try marguaritas and bathing in salt. Or sugar.  Or take a bath in a rainbow.  I give you permission to do what makes you say ahhhhh….

What do you want from me?

Not a whole lot, that is the point!  I want you to lean back more often and just enjoy the moment.  I NEED you to quiet down Gabriella (your overachiever) again so I can have more space and more of your time.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to me today?

You don’t always have to be doing three things at once.  Lighten up!  Participate in your life.

I made this card intuitively at last year’s KaleidoSoul Retreat.  I just loved the sumptuous and lusciousness of all the images and the colors and could almost feel the textures.  I put it in my Deck and it hasn’t shown up yet in the last whole year in any readings whatsoever. But it did show up recently, and here is what it said to me:

I am the one who is ladling long strings of pearls from a shiny silver pot.  i am the one who is raising the ladle, which is dripping with pearls, to my mouth.

I am the one who is about to dine on these pearls.  i am the one who is sitting in front of a red red curtain of luscious lips and rose petals.  I am the one who is leaning into this sumptuous feast. 

This is a divine meal, divine nourishment.

My message for you today is this: Lean into the jewels that life is offering you.  Pay attention to them as they come to your Table.