I made this card to honor the part of me who is intent on unrealistic and grand expectations.  While I believe that sometimes it’s good to have high expectations of myself and others… I’ve come to discover in my life that a lot of my pain and struggle comes from unrealistic expectations.

Who are you? I am the one who is always looking for bigger and better.  I am the one who worships at the altar of expectations that are too big, too grand, too unrealistic.  I am the one who is always looking up and away instead of what at is right in front of me.

What do you have to give me? I give you a warning that you are veering off into unrealistic territory. I give you a warning to stop looking up and away.  I give you a warning that pain and struggle are close by.

What do you need from me? I need you to notice when I start worshiping the mountain of gold.  I need you to help me to make my expectations more reasonable. 

I made this card intentionally, hoping to express a part of me from the recent past.  I’ve been working for a year now with Laurel Mellin’s The Solution Method, (also known as Emotional Brain Training) and the biggest gift I’ve received from this deep inner work is the ability to really feel what I’m feeling and when I’m feeling it!

So I thought of making a card that showed the part of me who refuses to feel anything, is afraid to really feel the messy emotions of life.  Actually, I was never TAUGHT to feel them, and I never felt SAFE feeling them.

Now I do, and I am so grateful.. but I wanted to honor this part of me anyway, because she really is an integral part of my life and she isn’t going to go away.

I am the one who is encased in this glass bubble- safe, protected.  I am the one who is safe from the fire, safe and protected from the bubbling rabble of pieces and parts of you that have strong feelings. I am cool and calm and collected, safe in my womb.  No one and nothing can reach me here.  I am turned away from these angry, sad, fearful, joyful, anguished parts of you.  I don’t want anything to do with them.  They are messy, dirty, bloody, frightening, and I want them to go away. I am the one who wants to stay in this Numb Bubble and not feel anything.  Ever.  I don’t like feeligns.  They are messy and complicated and time-consuming.  I like this bubble I’ve found that keeps me safe from my feelings. I give you protection and safety from the heat of emotions.  I give you numbness to protect you.  My world is not colorful but it is safe. What do I want from you?  I want you to NOT FEEL anything!  I want you to keep me away from those ragged feelings of yours.

I made this card (rather… this card made itself!) last fall during a workshop I was leading at my home.  I don’t usually create cards when I facilitate because I usually choose to focus on the participants and their experience instead. 

BUT… that afternoon, these images grabbed hold of me and would not let go!

I am the one who is standing strong and powerful and happy.  I am the one who is in the foreground of your life right now. I am the one who is confident that the heavy shadows are behind me.  They are a part of me, but they are behind me now.  My message to you today is this: Lighten up!  In food, in body, mind and in spirit.  I am telling you… all is WELL!  These heavy parts of us are still here, and will always be here with us.  But now, they are only shadows.  I am foreground in your life now.  You have chosen me and here I will stay.