Here is a conversation I had with one of my own Unaccomplished Actors a few months ago.
Negative Nancy (NN): I am the one who is programmed with all the negative ways of the past.Ā I am the one who blocks/stops any breakthroughs that you might attempt.Ā I am the one who locks you up and chains you to the past, to your negative thinking patterns.
I am the one who doesn’t want to hear anything positive, who doesn’t buy into all that “bright side” stuff.
My message for you today is this- I used to be a huge part of your life.Ā I was a Star Player but you have taken me out of that starring role and I am now backstage.Ā Beware of my need to take over your play now and then.Ā I can be very subtle in the ways that I derail other players who are trying to live their lives the way you are directing them.
Me- Thank you!Ā I haven’t thought about you in a while. I am thinking it might be time to bring out YOUR particular gifts and talents.
NN- I might like that. It would make me feel more useful that’s for sure.
Me- Ok, so tell me.Ā What is your positive intent for me?
NN- My positive intent for your life is to protect you from setting yourself up from failure.
Me- Ahhh… can you give me an example?
NN- When I say things like, “you can’t sustain this new weight loss” and “you’re never really going to lose another 10 pounds,” I am protecting you from feeling bad about yourself when those things don’t happen. Because what happens when you hear me saying those things is that you immediately believe me and then you stop trying.
Me- Well, I USED to believe you, anyway!
NN- Yes, you used to believe me. Now I have to be trickier and more subtle in how I protect you.
Me- How so?
NN- Well, I’ve learned that you are more open to my negative words when you are tired and/or emotionally vulnerable.
Me- That makes sense.Ā I will be on the lookout for that. Tell me, what do you want?
NN- I want you to be safe. I want you to not fail.
Me- And if you had that… if you knew I was safe and that I wouldn’t fail… what would you want then?
NN- Hmmm… I would want to just be seen and heard for who I am.
Me- Which is…?
NN- I am the one who is powerful. I am the one who speaks powerful thoughts aloud and who has the power to change your life.
Me- And if you had that… if you have center stage as a powerful, transformative speaker in my inner world, what else would you want?
NN- I’d want to change your life for the better. That’s what I’ve wanted all along.
Afterthoughts
So… Negative Nancy DOES have a positive intent for me. She says negative things to try to prevent me from failing.Ā This is important for me to keep in mind from now on.Ā Once I become aware that Negative Nancy is taking center stage, I can call her name and have a quick internal chat with her where I respect what she really wants for me, and then remind her that she can use her powerful, transformative words for the better instead of for harm.